WITHOUT OBSESSION LIFE IS NOTHING.

Conscious effort to revive this blog from the online graveyard and turn it into the #1 website on the entire internets.

2012-02-03T19:40:00.000Z

Holy motherfucking cheese balls, I haven't updated this blog in ages.

And it's a shame because I absolutely love writing here, and I love the people that follow me and actually appreciate the things I write. So I feel like I need to make a conscious effort to start writing here at least once a week. I've said this before I know, and I meant it then as much as I do now, but somehow life always gets in the way. This isn't the best time to revive my blog, I've got deadlines coming out of my ears at the moment but I really feel like I want to get back in the blogging world.

I've gone through so many changes since I first started this blog, I got crazily into politics, appeared in a TV show, lost some weight, gained some weight, lost some more weight, made new friends, lost old friends, protested, got arrested, went to court, came out of court with a hefty fine, and the list goes on. But the one thing that is always consistent is my absolute love affair with all things nostalgic, old, beautiful, kitsch and weird.

So here is the plan of action, if you will. At least once a week I will come into your life like a beautiful ray of sequined, rainbow colored sunshine projected out of your computer screen. I will talk to you about the glory days, old Americana, Hollywood, trash and movies that have long since been forgotten. As well as this I'm going to try and revamp the entire site, turning it into a haven for all of those disenfranchised romanticists that frequent my page and show me love. To do this, I need your help. Yes that's right. You, the person reading this. I am drafting you in to help turn Without Obsession into the number one Internet hot spot for weird teenage girls and fifty year old men with a penchant for vintage horror and pin-ups.

If you want to help me on my quest, we can realize our visions together by you e-mailing me at emily.louise.church@hotmail.co.uk. Please send me your name, age, interests, any examples of your writing work and tell me why you want to be part of Without Obsession!

Anyone with a passion for nostalgia is welcome to join the site, there are just over 150 frequent readers of this blog so I'm hoping at least 10 of you respond to my call to arms. So what are you waiting for, e-mail me you bitches!

Deadlines and Past-times.

2011-11-16T15:51:00.000Z

My life is a mess. I'm being serious. This blog post will be yet another self-deprecating rant about how I never, ever do the right thing, how I'm twenty-two but act like a teenager, how I'm irresponsible and ultimately lazy. Yes ladies and gentlemen, behold the twenty something mess, me.

I have so much work to do, in fact my workload would terrify a normal person. But not me. Somehow I seem to be content in the knowledge that I'll leave it all to the last minute and pass with a grade that's way below what I should be getting. Because I'm smart you know? Not Einstein smart or Sheldon Cooper smart, but I'm still smart. So in the next few weeks I've got to create a story and somehow get a mainstream media outlet to report it for my final university project. I have no idea how I'm going to do this. I'm trying to get inspiration but it just won't come, story of my life I guess.

I have deadlines coming up and I hate deadlines. I also hate the fact that all I seem to do now is moan, constantly. I'm really fun, I promise I am. But recently I've been feeling a bit blue, maybe it's because my time as a slacker student pretending to be some sort of boundary pushing writer is coming to a slow, dull end. Maybe it's because I'm pushing ever closer to proper adulthood and I haven't got a clue what to do with my life. Or maybe it's just because life is over-rated. I'll go with the latter.

Why can't life be like the movies? Instead of my current brain-numbing existence I could float about in a land full of ghouls and goblins, muppets and monsters. Shit man. I wish my life was a Muppets movie. Preferably Treasure Island or Muppets Take Manhattan. To be honest I'm not really fussed, I'll even take The Muppets Wizard of Oz over my boring life at the moment.

On London.

2011-10-21T22:13:00.000+01:00

I love this city, but I hate it at the same time.

I can't imagine living anywhere else but I dream of different places almost everyday.

I don't know what it is about this place that appeals to me, maybe it's the hustle and bustle, the sounds of people chatting excitedly, the rickshaws being ridden around Soho carrying drunken people to their next destination. London is my home in jeoprady.

I was born in a town about an hour outside of the big city, a pretty simple place full up with Jeremy Kyle wannabes and McJobs. When I was a teenager I would lie to my parents and say I was going into town to meet some friends, little did they know I was voyaging into the bright lights all by myself. I'd wander around Portobello Road on a Saturday, trying to find something cheap to buy with the pocket money my dad had given me. Sometimes I would wander into Soho, stare at the sex shops and linger in the book stores reading books that horrified and worried my mother.

I moved to London to study in the winter of 2009, sadly my escapades as a student are nearing an end and I'm faced with the terrifying prospect of returning 'home'. They say that home is where the heart is, well my heart is here with the smoke and pollution of London. My heart is with my friends who live here, my heart lies in the well-stomped streets of the west end, the peace campaign opposite the Houses of Parliament, the occupiers of the London Stock Exchange. It resides inside smokey bars, loud nightclubs, my favourite music venues, The Diner on Carnaby Street and my favourite independent record stores scattered across the capital. Even if I have to go back to the town that spawned me, a part of me will remain here forever.

I fall in and out of love with this place on a regular basis, it's a dysfunctional relationship but one that works for me. I'll curse the transport system, complain about tube fares, glare at the tourists, curse the government, but deep down, London stole my heart.

Maybe when I get older and travel to all of those far away places my love for London will dissipate, maybe I'll forget about her and spend the rest of my life in another city somewhere. Maybe London will weep for my return, maybe she'll cast everyone out and spend years mourning my loss. Or maybe she never cared for me in the first place. I hope she remembers me, and when I leave I hope she keeps me in her heart for a while, just like the Warren Zevon song.

Under-rated dead people....Esquerita.

2011-10-16T18:33:00.001+01:00

Not many people have heard of Esquerita, it's a damn shame. In many ways Esquerita was Little Richard before Richard Penniman decided to don a pompadour and sing about a girl named Sue who knew just what to do. Eskew Reeder Jr. was born in South Carolina in 1935, when he was just a babe he sung for the Tabernacle Baptist Church in Greenville, SC. He was a gospel singer naturally, but quickly made friends with two local girls who were studying the in's and out's of operatic singing. The two opera gals taught him how to hit the highest notes, which he then called upon in later life whilst performing his raucous, piano-driven rock & roll. Eskew taught himself piano, a natural pro with no lessons, according to Little Richard it was the wild Esquerita that actually taught him how to play.

He got his first break with a short-lived gospel group, the Heavenly Echoes, and when they split he ended up singing at the Owl Club back in Greenville. Eskew got wild with his style, he'd often sport make-up, a six-inch pompadour and a rock star's swagger, he was 'discovered' by talent scouts in 1958 and it was Mr Gene Vincent that actually convinced Capitol Records to sign him. Eskew Reeder changed his name to Esquerita and a star was born, well, maybe.

The music consumers of the late fifties didn't seem to be too interested in Esquerita, since they had all been pretty mesmerised by Little Richard, by the end of the decade raucous rock & roll had become old news. Sadly Esquerita never managed to get the critical acclaim and he died in 1986 due to aids related illnesses. I love Little Richard, but I strongly feel that Esquerita was a more talented musician. He was original y'know? He had these great ideas, these new and unique ideas, he basically invented camp rock & roll. I know that most of the great musicians ripped someone off somewhere along the line, I mean look at Elvis. Still, it makes me mourn for the original talent, the ones that have the ideas but never make it big. I mourn for Esquerita.

Music isn't what it once was, I'm not sure when it became so boring, so timid, so controlled. I long for the likes of Esquerita tearing up the piano, three wigs on his head, huge sunglasses, face covered in glitter. What makes me even more sad is that he spent the last years of his life as a parking lot attendant in Harlem. He watched his pal Little Richard get rich, get famous, get a mansion and get inducted into the rock & roll hall of fame. I'm not saying that Rich didn't deserve it, of course he did, but he still runs around claiming to be the architect of rock & roll, telling everyone how Elvis ripped off all those black musicians in the 50's. Well of course he did Richard, but so did you!

To close, I'd like to leave you with a few songs by the uber talented Esquerita. Listen to them, write about them, tell your friends, tell your family, play them in public. Don't let Esquerita become a forgotten name.

It's just a ride...

2011-10-16T00:29:00.001+01:00

So I did it again, blog neglect. I guess I just forget that I have this thing sometimes, and that people actually read it, well maybe.

My life hasn't been especially interesting of late, but then again it never really has been. I've been thinking though, about writing and life goals and all the things I want to do but thanks to laziness and a dependency on alcohol I've neglected. Sometimes I wonder why I even have a blog, I mean lets be serious for one damn minute, every man and his wife and his cousin once removed has a blog. The funny thing is, we all seem to think ours is the best, like something sets us apart from the horde. Reality really does suck, we're all in the same boat, pseudo-writers catering to a lazy generation who don't care enough to pick up a book anymore.

I hate bloggers and technically I am one. I long for the days of hard hitting writers who went on the road with some wild rock and roll band, did the cocaine, fucked the girls and then told the world about it. Most days I think I'm living in a totally useless generation. We've put such an emphasis on recycling that we don't even stop to notice that everything around us is recycled. Hipsters publish book after book desperately trying to re-create what Ellis had with 'Less Than Zero', popular musicians steal their sounds from the great musicians of the past. Rhythm and blues has become "R&B", a genre full up to the brim with half naked, warbling women and auto-tuned men with far too much jewelery on. Like Christian Slater said in 'Pump Up The Volume', all the great themes have been used up and turned into theme parks.

Could it be, I'm one of these people? Just an avid recycler like the rest of my pointless peers? We haven't exactly grown up in the most friendly of times, us early twenty-somethings were raised with 9/11, seemingly endless wars and the X-Factor. Is it any wonder why most of us are fucked up past the point of repair? Sometimes I wish we could start again, wipe the slate clean and create something beautiful out of nothing. Sadly that won't happen, sadly we're all destined to live in the recycled world full up to the brim with soul-less singers, straight edge writers and crap rom-coms. Doesn't it make you sick, y'know, the fact that we seem to have almost nothing to offer the world? The generations before us seemed to offer so much, then it disappeared. Everything became corporate, controlled, mainstream, packaged and perfected and loved by millions, it all got boring.

Of course, it's not all bad. There are many things that we have produced in recent years that have been absolutely mesmerising. But due to the fact that the majority of the world's population have no fucking taste whatsoever, the things that deserve worldwide critical acclaim rarely get it. Instead we're spoon fed bad singers, bad writers, bad comedians, bad TV, bad actors and bad news. The majority gobble it up, the wise one's spend their Saturday nights listening to Leonard Cohen, chain-smoking and writing about how much they loathe a huge proportion of the human race. The world is fucked up man, you can print that.

On nights like this I feel like Bill Hicks is the only person in the universe who could ever understand.

Meeting Your Idols Will Kill Ya.

2011-09-16T13:25:00.002+01:00

The first song I ever heard by Warren Zevon was his famous 'Werewolves of London', it was also his only hit. In typical fan fashion, I managed to acquire his discography and spent hours, days and weeks sitting by my record player listening to his gravely voice through the speakers. Warren's songs spoke to me in a way that only a few other artists have managed to. You see, Warren was a special breed of musician, much like Bruce Springsteen he managed to weave stories in the lyrics, stories you could relate to, cry to and empathise with.

Much like other great musicians, Warren died before his time, releasing his last album 'The Wind' just a few months before his death. I often wonder what he was like, I imagine him sitting in a smokey bar with Kim Fowley in the late 60's or living in the same apartment as Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham in Los Angeles in the middle of the 70's. Maybe he spent hours talking about the meaning of life with Jackson Browne, or maybe he sat alone reading William Gibson. I'll never know, I never got the chance to meet Warren Zevon.

When we idolise people we tend to create their lives in our heads, imagining what they do on a day-to-day basis. We turn to our imaginations to fill the void in our lives, because we'll never really know these people and if we did, would we still idolise them the same way? I've spent years looking up to people, from musicians to actors, to writers and artists, people who create have always been a huge source of inspiration for me.

Sometimes it does make me sad that I'll never meet these people, especially Zevon. However I wonder, if I got the chance to, would I take it? Obviously I can't meet him, he's dead and it's beyond the realm of possibility. The point I'm trying to make is that it's dangerous for a fan to meet an idol, sometimes it can end up ruining our perceptions of them. Us, as fans, have limited resources when it comes to moulding our image of superstars. Some of us (namely me), spend hours trawling through the internet, piecing together interview after interview, soundbites and live performances, to paint the perfect picture of our heroes. But what happens when we meet those said heroes and the pieces don't fit the puzzle we've created in our minds?

Luckily I've never had that happen to me, but I've heard stories. Based on those stories from other fans, I present to you, four people I adore but would never want to meet for fear they would reject my adoration. I won't include Zevon because a) I hear he was a pretty nice guy and b) he's dead.

David Johansen (New York Dolls)

According to a source, David isn't too happy about having a photo taken if you see him out and about. It's a shame really because I've been a fan of this guy since I can remember, much to my friends ridicule. I went to see the Dolls in London a year ago and I managed to get into the after-show party, luckily David had left before I got there. I spent a long time talking to Sylvain Sylvain (guitarist) and told him how much of a fan I was of David's, he assured me the message would be passed on but warned me of his jealous partner. David, as much as I would love to talk to you for hours about rock and roll, I fear that you may shatter all of my illusions. It saddens me that I have to include you on this list but such is life. Maybe one day we shall meet, but I won't go out of my way to look for you.

John Cusack

According to fans, John can be a little cold if you stop him in the street. I'm just going from what I read on google here so I could be wrong, apparently he likes to keep a low profile and shys away from big events where he may be recognised. John is another person I wish wasn't on the list because I love him dearly. I went through a stage where I brought all of his movies on Amazon and watched at least one everyday. He's made some great movies and he's still absolutely beautiful, it's a shame we'll never meet John, we would've been perfect together.

Bill Murray

I have no idea what to believe when it comes to Bill Murray, there have been numerous conflicting fan reports over the years. From the time he apparently crashed a house party and stayed to do the washing up, to the time when he came onto a group of young women and when they wouldn't respond to his advances he told them all to fuck off. Who knows what is true? From watching and listening to lots of Bill Murray interviews over the years, he always sounds a bit down in the dumps to me. Maybe he's battling some sort of personal trauma, who knows. But according to these people, he's a bit of a menace.

Macaulay Culkin

Macaulay isn't on this list for anything that he's done, more a personal reason. To me, Mac represents my childhood, from Uncle Buck to Home Alone his smiling face was always there. I'm pretty much sure that meeting him would be a positive experience, but it would also solidify the fact that he isn't Kevin McAllister anymore and I don't want that to happen. So I'm happy in my dream world for the moment. On an unrelated note I thought him and Mila Kunis looked wonderful together.

To play us out, here are a few related videos from the wonder that is YoooouTubeee.

What Molly Ringwald taught me.

2011-09-15T14:28:00.000+01:00

The ingredients of sushi.

"Rice, raw fish and sea-weed."

That The Rave-Ups are a very, very good band.

Molly became a friend of the band and convinced John Hughes to feature them in the movie 'Pretty in Pink'.

Not all 'richies' are evil.

"You couldn't buy her, though, that's what's killing you, isn't it? Stef? That's it, Stef. She thinks you're shit. And deep down, you know she's right."

Bad boys are hot.

In 'The Breakfast Club' Molly's character Claire hooks up with the class rebel, John Bender. She fights her way through his tough and grungey exterior and finds the sweet core within. She also teaches us that bad boys are super-duper-fine and even though they might sneak a look at our panties underneath a table they really do have hearts.

Buy a dress, don't make one.

Come on, as much as I love the idea of making your own clothes, that dress she wore at the end of 'Pretty in Pink' really did suck.

If you get an exchange student living with you, don't take him to a party.

"No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food."

Don't give your pants to a nerd.

Or do, but if he's charging entry make sure you get a 10% cut of the profits.

How to dance.

Whenever I go out I always try to channel Molly Ringwald through my moves.

Chicks cannot handle their smoke.

Get some practice in before you smoke a joint in front of the guy you deny having the hots for but totally do.

Get a job in a record store.

You get to listen to music all day and try on sunglasses. Easy peasy.

Wear one earring and have a really goofy smile.

And don't forget to date a guy that looks just like Anthony Michael Hall.

People don't write anymore, they blog.

2011-09-15T11:30:00.000+01:00

Winter is coming, I can feel it. This morning I sat in my garden, a cup of tea in one hand, cigarette between my fingers and my laptop perched on my knees, watching season one of 'Californication'. I wasn't cold but I could feel the creeping chill of a new season, it made me wonder, where the hell does all the time go?

It seemed like only yesterday I was packing my belongings into the back of my dad's van, starting a new chapter of my life in a city I had romanticised about through most of my teens. My feelings were a mixture of anxiety and excitement, mixed with sadness for the life I was leaving behind. Now it's almost over and those feelings are battling inside me again. I think it's safe to say that I'm terrified of the future. I want to leave this city, in fact, I can't wait to leave this city. But I don't want to go home, not back to that small town that never had any faith in me, the town that almost had me convinced that a 9 to 5 job in a call centre would quench my thirst.

I've had this feeling for a long time, that I don't really belong anywhere. Every time I go somewhere new I get the itch, the insatiable urge to go somewhere else or do something different. Maybe I just can't be satisfied, at twenty-two years old I still don't know what path I should go down. It's like I'm at a crossroads, one road is staying in London and writing, something I've always wanted to do. The other will lead me straight back to my hometown, to some desk job that will break every creative bone in my body for the second time.

My life is suffering from a distinct lack of inspiration, I feel like Hank Moody minus the copious amounts of sex. But even Hank managed to write something, I can barely manage a blog post most days and that's coming from the girl who spent years dreaming of being a 'writer'. Instead of writing a Pulitzer prize winning novel, I've joined the herd of bloggers who wish they could get the courage and the inspiration to bang out something of substance. Sadly we just sit around most of the day, 'writing' about how much we love Rimmel's latest line of nail varnishes or how that movie with John Cusack in changed our lives. We are devoid and broken, but we still dream that one day, one day we'll write something worth reading.

The truth is, we don't know how. Hours on the Internet have crushed our imagination, instead of dreaming up our fantasy worlds and creating characters that speak to everyday people, we write fan fiction about pre-existing TV shows or films, or even celebrities. We use an online thesaurus to insert all manner of fancy words with no meaning into our blog posts, it's like we're screaming, "look at all the words I know, I'm a regular Charles Dickens".

We are frauds. And the sad thing is, most of us know it. Just a trove of self-deprecating, emotionally scarred bloggers pretending to be something more. I feel like crying when I realise that Bret Easton Ellis wrote 'Less Than Zero' when he was 21 years old, I'm 22 and I can't even get the inspiration to write a short story. I used to be able to though, I'd write for hours and days and sometimes weeks, determined to produce something that I was proud of. When I moved to London I promised myself I would carry on writing, that I wouldn't give up and turn my back on my dream.

I broke that promise.

Now I'm considering a career in what I call 'my back up plan', film publicity. Hell, I've been 'studying' public relations for almost three years now, might as well do something with it. But I can't find an internship at any film PR company and I can't juggle university, a job and an internship all at the same time. Even if I managed to get an internship, would it make me happy? For a while I know it would, and it is an industry I would love to work in. Ever since I was a kid I knew it was between writing or being in the film business, or both.

I started this blog just by writing, spitting out sentences that were inside my head for whatever reason. Now I don't know how to finish it, maybe I should hope for inspiration, some kind of epiphany? Or maybe I should realise that only I hold the keys to my future, and it's about time I unlocked the door.

I really do feel like Hank Moody today.

Fox Mulder, oh how you smoulder.

2011-09-13T22:18:00.000+01:00

Fox Mulder, I love you.

Seriously, I know I use this word 'love' an awful lot but in the case of you, I mean it with all of my heart. When I was a kid and I used to watch The X-Files with my dad, or play the original PC game, I never realised the depth of my adoration. Alas, I have blossomed into a woman now and it's safe to say that you have well and truly captured my heart. It's not just your wonderfully coiffed hair or the way you look when you losen that tie and unbutton the top of your shirt, although both have the power to make me salivate.

It's not just the burning sexual energy you share between Scully, or the way you'd go to the ends of the earth to save her but you don't ask a thing in return. It's not just your constant pursuit of the truth or your dedication to protecting our world from the things that go bump in the night. And it's not just the way you looked in the pilot episode, spooky Mulder with his thick-rimmed glasses, the poster on the wall declaring that you want to believe.

It's your beautiful face. The face that made a million women swoon in desperation and wild abandon throughout the 90's, the face that inspired over 8,000 stories on fanfiction.net. Like many characters that I grew up with, I find it difficult to think that Fox Mulder doesn't actually exist. Of course, I'm not deluded, I'm very much aware that he isn't real, reality really does suck doesn't it?

But y'know, when I go to sleep at night, he is real. As real as real can be, and he smoulders as we dive deep into the world of unexplained phenomona. Lips pursed, fingers flicking through X-file after X-file, desperately searching for answers in a sea of questions.

I love you Fox Mulder, fact or fiction. My love knows no boundaries.

And here is the greatest video I have ever seen, it's quite obscene how much I relate to this song, especially on boring Sunday nights.

Bree Sharp - David Duchovny

Summer Obsessions.

2011-09-04T23:00:00.001+01:00

Yeah that's right, I've awakened from my extended period of hibernation, boredom and apathy to revive my long lost blog. Quite frankly, I've missed you. So to celebrate my return to the blogosphere I present to you my latest obsession, Dr. Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory. It pains me to actually write, 'from The Big Bang Theory' because in my head he's real. Oh the nights that me and Dr Cooper would sit playing World of Warcraft until we developed a nasty case of carpal tunnel syndrome Afterwards we would eat Chinese food with the low-sodium soy sauce whilst watching Battlestar Galactica. Forget "Shamy", the nickname given to Sheldon and Amy Farrah Fowler, we would be "Shemily", ready to take on the world with our combined awesome-ness.

Ok. Seriously, I'm kidding. Over the years I've grown accustomed to the strange way my brain works, particularly the part of my cranium that falls in love with fictional TV/movie/comic characters. Y'know, that's why I started this blog in the first place. To air out that part of me that squeals like a teenage girl at a Beatles concert whenever I watch a TV show that I like, or the part of me that talks to the characters on the screen like they're my friends. I'll give you a great bit of advice, don't ever sit with me when I'm watching the new episode of True Blood, chances are I'll annoy the living fuck out of you with my incessant screaming, crying and sweating whenever Alexander Skarsgard graces the screen.

But I digress. Along with Sheldon Cooper and True Blood, here are a list of obsessions that have been plaguing me this summer.

Chris Hemsworth as Thor.

So a whole shit-load of comic book fans hated the new Thor movie starring Chris Hemsworth as the hammer wielding God. I wasn't one of them. I loved this movie from start to finish, although I've got to say they could've made Loki a bit more bad-ass. Although I think my ovaries may have made my mind up for me on this one, there is simply no denying Chris Hemsworth's hotness. And that scene where he just grabbed Natalie Portman, oh sweet baby Jesus. I loved this movie so much that immediately afterwards I signed in to fanfiction.net and read a bunch of stories written by other women who appreciated Thor's new found sex appeal. Don't judge me.

Game of Thrones

HBO need to stop making great TV shows and give some other network a chance. I stumbled upon this epic through Tumblr, a few of the blogs I follow there had posted some great reviews about this show. In my curiosity I watched the first few episodes and was absolutely hooked. The imagery, the cast, everything about this show is truly wondrous and if you haven't watched it you should.

Comic Con

I've always wanted to go to Comic Con and every single year I end up sitting on Youtube watching all of the panels that I wish I could of gone to. So this year I made a decision and formulated a plan, I will go to Comic Con 2012 in San Diego. The plan is practically fool-proof so next year I will grace the San Diego streets with my presence. If anyone who lives in San Diego is reading this, I need a free place to crash. I'll pay you in cigarettes, awesome conversation and cheeseburgers.

Tank Girl

Re-affirmed my love affair with Jamie Hewlett and Alan Martin this summer and re-read my old Tank Girl comic books. And I watched the movie.

Blossom

Before she was Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory, Mayim Bialik played Blossom on NBC. One of the best shows of the 90's, this has everything you could ever want, an awesome intro scene, cool clothes and the one, the only, Joey Lawrence. Be still my beating heart, the heart that beats for Joey Lawrence and Joey Lawrence only. I'm kidding, but Joey was one of my first teenage girl crushes so that's gotta count for something right?

And if that wasn't enough, I made my first television debut this summer on a show for the BBC entitled 'The 9/11 Conspiracy Roadtrip'. It's going to be shown on BBC Three, this Thursday at 9pm. Here is a write-up of the show from The Times' TV guide, we are the critics choice apparently!

So until next time my dear friends, I bid you good-day. Live long and prosper.

Why I Love...'Morgan Stewart's Coming Home'.

2011-03-15T02:32:00.000Z

To my loyal fans, I've finally decided to get my arse in gear and ressurect my beloved blog from the depths of neglection. Seriously I forgot how hard it was to juggle what's basically a full time job with university work and then also trying to squeeze in time to write. Over the next couple of weeks I'm hoping to get myself into a routine of updating regularly which I'm sure you will all be overjoyed to hear, I've missed you all and I think it's about time I started showing you the love that you all deserve. Today I want to talk to you about a little known but truly awesome movie, Morgan Stewart's Coming Home starring Jon Cryer (aka Allan in Two and a Half Men, aka Ducky in Pretty in Pink).

I freaking love this movie, with a capital LOVE. Not only does it encompass the necessary ingredients to make it a winning motion picture (horror, romance, comedy, 80's soundtrack and bad clothes), it's also has a heart warming message that money can't buy you happiness.

First of all we all love Jon Cryer right? Right, although to be honest I do prefer Charlie Sheen and his tiger blood but I digress. He basically plays Ducky II, actually this movie should be called Pretty in Pink II : Slightly Different But Still Basically The Same. Alright so the storyline is different and what not but it's still the same movie dealing with money issues, romance and nerdy obsessive love. I'm selling this to you right? Who doesn't like nerdy obsessive love?

I also love that in this movie the female character is called Emily, she's a horror nut and she has bitchin' crimped hair. This movie makes it possible for me to shut my eyes and imagine Ducky...sorry, Morgan, telling me he loves me. The movie also gets bonus points for a sweet George A. Romero reference.

All in all Morgan Stewart's Coming Home is one of those perfect movies that can only exist in the 80's, harmless and fun but with an important message at the same time. Quite simply it's the perfect movie for one of those dull and depressing days, put it on and let the smile wash over your face.

I couldn't find a video for the movie on Youtube so enjoy the above one instead, Charlie Sheen might be winning but Jon Cryer is definitely bi-winning.

What Happens In Vegas...

2011-01-23T04:54:00.001Z

So last Thursday night I got a little worse for wear with a friend and he decided whilst wasted that we were going to go to Las Vegas, bearing in mind we live in London and it's a 14 hour flight. This sounds really weird and people always say it's weird but I'm being honest, Vegas is the only place in the entire world I have ever wanted to visit. There's something about it that appeals to me, maybe it's the trashy-ness of it all, the neon, the American dream and the Elvis impersonators. So anyway he managed to find a super cheap deal, we booked it Friday morning and flew out Saturday afternoon.

My family were and still are mad at me for going, I'm supposed to be saving money you see but saving money and me don't mix. I know why they're mad, they've seen me blow money like no tomorrow and I have to admit I'm pretty reckless with it. But if only they'd understand. You only live once you know? My life could be over tomorrow or in seventy years from now and when it's over I want to say that at least I got to see the one place I'd always wanted to go to. I know it seems extravagant but sometimes you just have to throw your caution to the wind and say fuck it, let's go to Vegas. I know they won't ever understand and maybe it's the generation difference but I don't regret a single thing. I don't regret the fact that it cost me around a £1,000 of money I don't really have and I don't care that I will never ever hear the end of it.

Why? Because I saw sin city. I met some amazing people, I almost got married, I drunk so many cocktails I'm surprised I'm still alive, the nights blurred into drunken mornings with fake American accents on the bus back Downtown from Caesers Palace. I played Blackjack for hours with a lovely couple from San Diego and Wayne the Vietnam vet, I got given money by a crazy black man who claimed to have sung with The Beatles, I met a guy who claimed to have been Billy Idol's drug dealer, I saw Cher at Caesers Palace, a Jason Segel look-a-like wanted me to sleep with him and I stumbled drunk through the lobby of Caesers screaming "did Caeser really live here?" a-la The Hangover.

I saw the light show at Freemont Street, got felt-up by an Elvis impersonator, had a conversation with a member of KISS, saw the Bellagio fountains, got ditched by my would-be husband who ran off with the girl who was supposed to be my Maid of Honour, had the best pizza I've ever had in my life, spent too much money on food, tipped every single person far too much money, blew $40 on the roulette wheel, won $70 on blackjack and then lost it on the craps table, drank a jug of Bud through a straw and ate at least 5 hot dogs. I also lost track of all time, took my first ever plane ride, listened to Disco Inferno whilst riding down the Vegas strip and simply had the best time of my life.

So to my nan, my grandad, my mother and whoever else is mad at me for "wasting" my money on a trip to Vegas I just want you to know that I had the time of my life and it was so worth it. But I know you'll never understand, you weren't there, you can't possibly comprehend how amazing this experience has been for me and I don't expect you to, just know that I don't regret my decision at all and I'll be back to Vegas soon to do it all again.

Why I Love...'Brotherly Love'.

2011-01-08T02:15:00.000Z

I've been a bit lonely the past few days spening a lot of time in my room, laying in bed eating from my monster bag of Swedish Fish kindly given to me by my American friend who came to stay. So instead of wallowing in boredom I've re-discovered my love of three classic shows I used to watch as a child. Nostalgia is fun right? First up is Brotherly Love starring the eternally beautiful feather haired dreamboat known as Mr Joey Lawrence.

Joey Lawrence's masterpiece, 'Nothing My Love Can't Fix'.

Seriously when I was younger I used to go to the Sunday town market where they sold imported issues of Tiger Beat and other American magazines and from then on I fell head over heels with Joey (and a really, really bad pop band called Dreamstreet). Brotherly Love showed on the TV here in the UK around the same time and I swiftly developed a little obsession with it, an obsession that has been recentley restored. The jist of the story is Joe Roman's father dies and he comes back to collect his share of his pop's estate when he is reunited with his two half brothers and step-mother Claire. Instead of taking his share of the bucks and running off he decides to stay and work at his late father's car customising business and spend time getting to know his brothers. Hence the name Brotherly Love right?

The theme tune is pretty damn awesome too, and sung by Mr Joey Lawrence.

So Joey stars alongside his two real-life brothers Matthew and Andrew, you'll recognise Matthew from Mrs Doubtfire. I've got to say most child stars grow up pretty damn messy but all of the Lawrence brothers are still looking good! The star of the show is by far Andy the youngest of the three, he's hilarious in every way from his invisible friends to his Elvis impressions. Damn this show just takes me back to a time when life was care-free, it's such a great show to watch when you need a little slice of escapism. Or if you want to see Joey Lawrence looking beautiful in a tuxedo in the episode Uptown Girl, just a recommendation.

So I love this show for a few reasons, the most important one being my crush on Joe. But that's not all, simply it's a hilarious and light-hearted 90's kids sitcom that you can't help but love. Thank you Brotherly Love for helping me through my extended period of boredom and for reviving my Lawrence crush. And thanks to the beautiful person who uploaded all of the episodes on YouTube, you don't even understand how much I love you.

Hope the above video wets your Brotherly Love appetite, watch all the episodes on YouTube, now, right now. What are you waiting for? Seriously. Go watch it.

Grumpy New Year.

2010-12-30T02:53:00.000Z

I am so sorry.

Truly sorry, from my toes to the tips of my fingers.

I've neglected you blog and I didn't mean to, it's just things got so busy. Honestly I'd like to see you juggle a job, university work, a ton of writing gigs, a social life and a blog. So I sort of forgot about you, I promise it won't happen again. In fact my new years resolution is to become the most brilliant multi-tasker, the like's of which the world has never seen. As well as become a vegan, says the girl who used to go to bed with a block of Edam cheese and claim it was a midnight snack. Best of intentions, blah blah blah.

I hate New Years, who's with me? Between the forced fun and the feeling of impending doom, it's difficult to find any enjoyment in the passing of one year to the next. What are we claiming to celebrate, the end of another year, one year closer to the grave? You know why people drink on New Years don't you? Boredom. That and the fact that if you don't consume at least half your body mass in alcohol you'll be labeled a square by your fucked up friends. And don't get me wrong, I've been there and done it too many times myself. Hell, last year I consumed a few bottles of wine, went to open my third and smashed it on the floor then tried to crawl around drunk and hysterical with a dustpan and brush.

Let's be honest with ourselves for one second and ask an important question. Will this year really be any different than last year? Didn't you sit in the exact position at this exact moment 365 days ago and say "right, this year will better"? And was it better? Mine wasn't, it was exactly the same. But we never learn. So this year I again will be drunk, I'll again think that two bottles of wine can help me nail my Aretha Franklin impersonation and when the clock strikes midnight I'll suddenly sober up and think, (like we all do), oh well, another year.

Monday Quotes.

2010-12-06T03:33:00.000Z

John Waters

"It wasn't until I started reading and found books they wouldn't let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else."

Mondays suck the big one and everyone knows it.

Mondays are, for me, devoid of any passion or creativity.

Therefore instead of providing you with my usual witty tomfoolery I'm going to bombard your brain with my favourite quotations, I hope you enjoy them and get that awful IwishIhadsaidthat feeling.

Joan Crawford

"Women's Lib? Poor little things. They always look so unhappy. Have you noticed how bitter their faces are?"

John Hughes

"I always preferred to hang out with the outcasts, 'cause they were cooler; they had better taste in music, for one thing, I guess because they had more time to develop one with the lack of social interaction they had!"

Paul Reubens (Pee-Wee Herman)

"I have become more infamous from two misdemeanors than probably anyone I could think of."

Charles Manson

"You know, a long time ago being crazy meant something. Nowadays everybody's crazy."

Chuck Palahniuk

"The only difference between suicide and martyrdom is press coverage."

J.D Salinger

"The worst thing that being an artist could do to you would be that it would make you slightly unhappy constantly."

Have an obsessed Monday.

Eaten by the monster of obsession, or how meeting John Waters was the best moment of my life.

2010-12-05T16:10:00.000Z

Yesterday I met my hero, my role-model, John Waters. For anyone who isn't clear who John Waters is he's the genius mind behind Pink Flamingos, Hairspray, Serial Mom, A Dirty Shame, Polyester and Cry Baby to name a few. He also happens to be my favourite director, artist and author and without him my blog wouldn't have such a brilliant name.

On Friday night I was lucky enough to spend an hour and a half listening to him at the Southbank Centre in London, you see John is one of those rare naturally funny characters who can't help but make you laugh. John doesn't try to be funny, he just is, from talking about books to blowjobs and bears to John Wayne Gacy's artwork he truly is an inspiration and a joy to listen to. John has been in London promoting his new book, Role Models which I strongly suggest everyone goes out and buys. The book is a self-portrait told through the lives of his very own role models, from Johnny Mathis to Leslie Van Houten there have been so many different people that have inspired John. I had the opportunity to meet John after the talk but there were so many people queueing for autographs and photographs I gave up and decided to go to the book signing he was doing the next day.

Me and my friend Jon waited for around an hour in the morning and were one of the first people in to meet him, I swear when I saw him come out I could of fainted. There is nothing more glorious than meeting someone who you never thought you'd ever get to meet in your life-time, let alone someone who has inspired me as much as John has. I've been a John Waters fan since, gee maybe 11 when I first watched Pink Flamingos? My mother used to clean the house of a rather eccentric and artistic woman who owned the aforementioned film on video, in my childhood innocence it didn't even occur to me that the movie might not be suitable for someone as young as myself. Joyfully I put the video into the VCR and waited patiently for the movie to start, I think I got as far as Edith Massey in her cot screaming, "Eggs! Eggs! I want my eggs!" before my mother hurled herself into the room and ripped the video from the player. Ever since then I knew that Pink Flamingos was something dirty, something taboo, something cult and I fell in love instantly.

As the people in front of us met John and quickly shuffled off with smiles on their faces I knew it was my turn next, I walked forward and suddenly the John Waters, my very own cult leader was staring at me, saying hello. So from memory, this is how our meeting went...

Me: I am such a huge fan, your movies changed my life, you are my own role model.
John: Thank you. It looks like you both turned out ok (talking about me and Jon).
Me: I named my website after a quote of yours.
John: Oh really, what one?
Me: Without obsession, life is nothing.
John: Very true that one.
We take photos with him and he signs my book.
Me: Could I have a hug?
John: Sure, as long as you don't have impetigo or anything.
Me: No, just a mild case of flu.
John: *jokingly* Oh great thanks!
Me: Bye!
John: Bye, thanks for coming.

After the meeting I did that pathetic post-exciting-moment crying thing, I literally couldn't believe I had just had a conversation with and hugged my hero, John Waters. John you are my cult leader, your films have changed my life and opened my eyes to so much more and I'm so privileged to have met you. And with that I with leave you with an excerpt from John's new book...

I'm so tired of writing "Cult Filmmaker" on my income tax forms. If only I could write "Cult Leader," I'd finally be happy. Would you come on a spiritual pilgrimage with me? To Baltimore, naturally. Where I'd deracinate you from your family (after you've stolen all of their rare art books and turned them over to our communal library) and together we'd concentrate of what really matters in life - our infallibility. Pope Benedict XVI may have denounced "filth," but we know better. Filth is just the beginning battle in the war on taste. The certain megalomania we all share will strengthen our delusions of grandeur and make it possible for us to go that extra step into what I will call "radical holiness". Fellow faith followers, isolated we are just ex-Catholics or slacker Jews, fighting over the limits of shame or guilt. Or worse yet, Protestants turned alcoholic atheists or pussy agnostics who chicken out on the big questions daily.

Together we can become saints of sordidness, "the damned, the disinherited, the disrespected and the despised," as Jesse Jackson once so beautifully called his followers. Perverts who are fanatical in their devotion to a new degree of dogma of dirt. Yes, a filth movement for the next century, which will claw it's way down the ladder of respectability to the final Armageddon of the elimination of the tyranny of good taste. A rapture of rottenness that will flower like a poisonous mold to cover the prison of acceptance. Yes, we are ready to take over the world.

Role Models by John Waters is out now, go buy it.

Tina! Bring me the axe!

2010-11-29T01:58:00.000Z

Question, what can be better than a crazed Joan Crawford? Answer, Faye Dunaway playing crazed Joan Crawford. Words cannot fully express how absolutely awful, trashy, campy, tacky and bad this film is and I say that with love for I am a fan of Mommie Dearest, the bio-pic to end all bio-pics. Based on the "true" story of Joan's relationship with her adopted daughter Christina this is a non-stop rollercoaster ride of abuse, alcoholism, obsessiveness and stardom with the added bonus of over-acting and a bad script.

Over the years Mommie Dearest has become a cult classic and even though it's not really a horror movie it's still pretty damn horrific. Faye Dunaway is Joan Crawford, she makes the character so believable that now when I think of Joan I think of Faye playing Joan. The movie skims round the edges of abuse for most of the movie, there's only one disturbing scene which has now become absolutely infamous amongst fans, anyone who's seen the movie should know which scene I'm talking about. But just in case you haven't seen this trash-fest then let me set the scene for you...

Joan is skimming through her daughter's wardrobe one evening and finds a dress hanging on a wire hanger, an absolute fashion storage no-no. Joan is understandably distressed about the situation, what fashion lover wouldn't be and decides to teach Christina a lesson. In what is one of the most unsettling scenes of the movie she clutches the hanger in one hand and screams "NO WIRE HANGERS!" at the child. Even though it's funny because the movie is one of those so-bad-its-good charmers this scene still gets to me and it's scary as hell.

So here's to you Joan, or Faye, or whatever. This Joan Crawford is without a doubt one of the scariest mother's in cinematic history, I swear Joan I'll never use a wire hanger again.

Who's your most favourite scary mother? Join in The Mike's discussion on horror mothers here.

Why I Love...'Phantom of the Paradise'.

2010-11-28T17:21:00.000Z

Phantom of the Paradise is one of my all-time favourite movies, it encompasses rock and roll, horror, murder, love, revenge and delivers camp by the truck load. It's a huge shame that this movie never got as popular as say, Rocky Horror Picture Show which clearly took a lot from Phantom. Roughly based on the epic Phantom of the Opera and the legend of Faust, Phantom of the Paradise is the most highly acclaimed horror phantasy of our time (according to the people who wrote the taglines). In a reality Phantom is nowhere near as highly acclaimed as it should be for an epic rock opera and cult-classic.

The story of Phantom is pretty simple, Winslow Leach is a dedicated musician who gives his heart and soul to his music but although he is talented beyond belief he is stuck supporting the nostalgia band The Juicy Fruits who are produced by satanic record producer Swan. Swan recognises Winslow's talent and decides that his music is perfect for his new music hall, The Paradise, but Swan being all satanic and shit steals the music against Winslow's will. Ever the trooper Winslow tries to get into Death Records, Swan's record label but fails and then attempts to get into his mansion, simply named Swanage. There he falls for Phoenix, the beautiful and charming aspiring singer who Winslow believes is the perfect person to sing his music. Unfortunately Winslow is arrested and sent to Sing-Sing Prison (awesome prison name I know) where his teeth are removed and replaced with metal ones.

But hot-damn even prison can't keep Winslow down, he manages to escape and in his rage he goes to Swan's record label and attempts to destroy a record press but the record press actually ends up destroying his face and voice-box. Winslow goes into hiding only to sneak into the Paradise and become the Phantom, disguised in a owl-like mask and black cloak. I hate to spoil movies for people so I won't tell you anymore about it because I really, really want all of you to watch it. I mean seriously, it upsets me that not enough people know about this movie, it's an under-rated gem of a film that deserves a bigger audience.

As for why I love it? Well that's simple, it's the music. Phantom of the Paradise is full up to the brim with song after song, from love ballads to glam rock there is definitley something for everyone on the soundtrack. In general this movie is just a piece of 70's rock and roll fun, it's trashy, camp and cheesy but where's the harm in that? For fans of Rocky Horror and Shock Treatment this movie is a must-see, it stars the fantastic Jessica Harper who Shock Treatment fans will know as Janet. Please, please take my advice and watch this movie then let's all start a Phantom of the Paradise army and take over the world. Wouldn't that be fun?

Watch the movie and let me know what you think by leaving a comment...

Forgotten musical gems of the 80's, rock edition.

2010-11-24T00:26:00.000Z

Bon Jovi - Raise Your Hands
Movie nerds may recognise the song from the epic, epic win of a movie 'Spaceballs'.

Cinderella - Gypsy Road
People should dress like all the members of Cinderella, what an awesome world that would be.

Quiet Riot - Party All Night
This video is basically the blue-print for every 80's metal video, who doesn't like a story to go with their music?

Alice Cooper - Bed of Nails
Alice Cooper is my God, not even kidding I love this golf-loving necrophiliac more than any other.

Motorhead - Claw
In an interview with Lemmy he was asked whether it was true that if he stopped taking speed he would die, Lemmy's response was "I'll die when I want to". Legend.

Van Halen - And The Cradle Will Rock
Young David Lee Roth and when Van Halen weren't shit, what could be better?

'After.Life' has potential but misses the mark.

2010-11-22T01:32:00.000Z

So you all read Anomalous Material right? It's only one of the best movie websites on the Internet and little old me has just started writing for them. My first post is a review of the strangle little movie After.Life and you can read it here. Take my advice and bookmark Anomalous Material for some straight-talking movie chit-chat and reviews, it's a brilliant website.

Forgotten musical gems of the 80's, part one.

2010-11-18T19:24:00.000Z

So everyone likes eighties music don't they? From the Dirty Dancing soundtrack to Madonna people have always had a little part of their music tastes dedicated to the cheese-tastic music from the era of MTV. But what about the lesser known eighties tracks, the ones that didn't quite make it. Here are a few of my personal favourite forgottensongs of the eighties, enjoy...

The Monroes - What Do All The People Know?

Eddy Grant - I Don't Wanna Dance

Liza Minelli - Losing My Mind

Roachford - Cuddly Toy

Berlin - No More Words

Missing Persons - Destination Unknown

The Rave-Up's - Positively Lost Me

Why I Love...Shawn Michaels.

2010-11-17T18:02:00.000Z

A lot of people reading this aren't going to know who Shawn Michaels is and that's ok, if you haven't watched WWE before then there's no reason you would of. But let me just say this, Shawn Michaels is the most entertaining, most cool wrestler of all time. I'm sure that sentence will piss off a load of Undertaker fans and anger all the lovers of Stone Cold but it's true, Shawn was cooler than the north pole.

Shawn retired this year after an epic career spanning over twenty years, he is considered one of WWE's senior performers and he will be sorely missed from the ring. Shawn started his professional career in 1985 as one part of the sensational tag team, 'The Rockers' with Marty Jannetty. The tag team were no more in 1991 after appearing on the promo 'Brutus Beefcake's Barbershop' in which Shawn threw Marty through the barbershop window and declared the end of the partnership.

After the split from Marty, Shawn started to work on his image as 'The Heartbreak Kid' which included getting a better mullet, a pair of spandex pants covered in broken-hearts and a new theme tune. Shawn hired 'Sensational Sherri' as a manager, she'd always come with him on to the ring with a big heart-shaped mirror in which Shawn would primp and preen himself. Sherri became a vital part of Shawn's storyline in which he played the women-loving bigot and she played the part of a trashy, cheap and thoroughly obsessed manager/love, she even sung the original version of Shawn's epic opening theme 'Sexy Boy'. However at 1993's Royal Rumble she turned on her one-time obsession and thus Shawn and Sensational Sherri where over.

Shawn continued as the Heartbreak Kid and fought in many epic matches, he was accosted by marines, given a concussion in which he was hospitalized, betrayed by friends and he even flew from the top of the arena in to the crowd at WrestleMania XII. He went through knee surgery, lost the championship to a former bodyguard, won the first ever hell in a cell match against the Undertaker and crushed a disc in his back in a casket match. Shawn has certainly been through the wars as a wrestler but his legacy lives on today, he's a reminder of what WWE used to be and sadly isn't any longer.

As a child I grew up with WWE, back when it was the World Wrestling Federation and I used to watch RAW with my dad on Sunday afternoons. I can't really pin-point what it is I love and still do about wrestling, maybe it's the mix of action and comedy, catchy songs and spandex, feuds and love affairs, sometimes watching wrestling could feel like watching a soap opera. I forgot about my love for wrestling until I came to university and found other people who had spent their childhood idolising beefed-up guys in tight leggings, it's always nice to know you're not the only one. As for Shawn, well he'll always be my favourite wrestler and it's probably because of the outfits and his entrance song, to me he always has been and will always be cool. And if you don't believe me watch this video...

Why I Love...'Freaks & Geeks'.

2010-11-17T02:30:00.001Z

Firstly I'd like to ask NBC why on earth they didn't renew this absolutely brilliant sitcom, seriously NBC why? Starring the ever-beautiful James Franco, Jason Segal and Seth Rogan to name but a few it truly is one of the most original, funny and entertaining situation comedies ever made. The show was written by Paul Feig, horror-geeks will know that he played Emerson in the 1987 cheese-fest Zombie High, it was also produced by Judd Apatow, producer of Superbad and Knocked up and all-round awesome Jewish guy.

The stars of the show are Linda Cardellini and John Francis Daley as Lindsay and Sam Weir, brother and sister from a straight-edge suburban family growing up in the early eighties. Lindsay was a top mathlete before she decided to don her dads old army jacket, say goodbye to her math-loving pals and hang out with the 'freaks'. James Franco, Jason Segal, Seth Rogan and Busy Philipps play the 'freaks' Daniel, Nick, Ken and Kim, they are you're average wild kids obsessed with rock and roll, pot and sex and Lindsay is desperate to be friends with them. Sam is a geek although deep-down we all know he's pretty cool, his friends consist of Samm Levine and Martin Starr as Neal and Bill. Neal is a self-proclaimed comedic genius and Bill is your basic nerd obsessed with Dallas and allergic to peanuts.

There are two plot-lines to 'Freaks and Geeks', one is Lindsay's struggle with shedding her good-girl image and her discovery of new friends, relationships and music. The other is Sam's struggle to fit in and become cool, to try and convince the rest of the school, himself and his number one crush Cindy that he isn't the Grade A nerd they think he is. 'Freaks and Geeks' is a brilliant example of how to use music properly in a TV show, every song seems to work and the writers have paid so much attention in getting the right music. From the Grateful Dead to Rush to Van Halen the soundtrack is truly phenomenal.

So why do I love 'Freaks and Geeks'? Sure the music is great, James Franco is hot and it's got a certain nostalgic charm but I really love it because I can relate to it. Being only twenty-one myself I can vividly remember high school, the pains of puberty, growing up and trying to find a place to fit in. When Lindsay first starts hanging with the 'freaks' and tries so hard to get them to like her I know exactly where she's coming from for who hasn't felt the desperate need to be cool and rebel? I've also felt the agonising pain of being on the outside like Sam, laughed at by peers and struggling to fit in. As teenagers we either want to fit in with our classmates or go entirely against the mould and do our own thing, some of us want to do both. I wanted to do both. As a teenager I struggled hard to fit in and when I realised that I never would I embraced the things that made me different from the rest of my classmates and trust me when you start embracing yourself that's when others start to as well.

So here's to you 'Freaks and Geeks' and the early eighties high-school experience I never had but in so many ways did. Here's to you James Franco for being one of the most beautiful looking men ever created. And here's to you Lindsay and Sam Weir for collectively summing up my entire adolescence in eighteen episodes of sheer, unadulterated goodness, 'Freaks and Geeks'....I love you.

Teenage Rampage: the best teen action and adventure movies.

2010-11-16T19:14:00.000Z

I couldn't find any good teen action movie photographs online so I decided to put Corey Haim's head on to Bruce Willis' body. I rule.

So here we are, the last installment of my wonderfully epic series on the best teen movies of all time and today it's all about action and adventure with a dash of fantasy for good measure. From time-travel and goblins, to pirates, super-human powers and a magic cinema ticket, these are, in my opinion, the best action and adventure movies involving teens ever. As always I'd love to hear what your favourites are.

Back to the Future (1985)

One of the greatest movies of all time with awesome Huey Lewis and the News, awesome Doc Brown, an awesome DeLorean and some awesome time-travelling all mixed together to make one amazing motion picture of awesome awesomness. This movie is awesome right? I hope I'm not the only one that thinks so, but just in case you haven't witnessed the awesomeness for yourself I'll guide you through the basics.

Marty McFly is your average high-schooler, he skateboards, listens to Huey Lewis and has a girlfriend, but he's also friends with the eccentric Doc Brown, local scientist. When the Doc tells Marty that he's built a time machine at first Marty is shocked, "you built a time machine? Out of a DeLorean?" but soon adjusts to the idea of time travel when the Doc sends his dog Einstein one minute into the future. Things turn sour and Marty soon realises that the DeLorean is powered by platonium that the Doc stole from a group of Libyan terrorists who show up wielding guns and ready to kick some serious butt. In an attempt to get away from them Marty jumps in the time machine and sends himself back to the fifties.

This year Back to the Future has turned twenty-five and celebrated the event by coming back to the cinemas, it was fantastic to see this movie back on a big screen especially as I missed it the first time round (just too damn young!). The best teen action/adventure, sci-fi, time travel movie ever made. Ever. Ever. Ever.

The Labyrinth (1986)

I'm not even kidding you I want a Labyrinth themed wedding, when I'm a rich film publicist getting married to some beautiful actor or film producer it will happen I swear. I basically want to re-create the entire 'As The World Falls Down' scene from the movie in a massive beautiful room decorated in white velvet and lace with a shit-load of chandeliers hanging from the ceiling. But that's not really relevent is it? I've loved this movie since I was a wee child and used to beg my parents to put it on, I think even then I realised that David Bowie's bulge was magnificent. Literally if I could live my life inside any movie I think it would have to be The Labyrinth, then I could have Ludo as a friend and have a really complicated sexually-charged relationship with Jareth the Goblin King.

Sarah is a girl that lives in her own head, she's obsessed with fantasy and theatrics. One day after being forced to babysit her brother Toby she goes too far and actually makes a wish that the goblins would take him away. Her wish comes true and she is transported to the magical world of the Labyrinth were nothing is at seems and nothing should be taken for granted. Sarah has to make her way through the Labyrinth to the castle where Jareth the Goblin King is waiting and along the way she meets a goblin called Hoggle, a beast called Ludo and a fox called Sir Didimus.

The Labryinth is based on the drawings of Brian Froud who's son actually plays Toby, if you haven't seen his work then I highly recommend you check it out. The Labyrinth is a truly fantastic movie for people of all ages, I remember watching it as a child and I loved it as much then as I do now.

The Goonies (1985)

Hey you guys, don't you know this is one of the all-time best teen action movies ever? Seriously I haven't met anyone in the world that hasn't seen and fallen in love with The Goonies. This movie has become a time-less classic appreciated and adored the world over and it's easy to see why. With it's brilliant soundtrack courtesy of 80's goddess Cyndi Lauper, it's phenomenal performances from actors such as Corey Feldman and Josh Brolin and it's high-speed action and adventure plot it still stands as one of the greatest movies to come out of the 80's.

The Goonies follows the lives of a group of best friends who find a treasure map, however their plans of getting the rich stuff are jeopardised by a family of crooks who are also after the booty. Along the adventure they meet Sloth, a loveable deformed ogre who is part of the criminal family and has a soft spot for Baby Ruth's, he quickly becomes part of the gang and helps defeat the crooks and get the goonies their treasure.

The Goonies is a wholesome family movie but don't that put you off, it's entertaining by the bucket-load and truly is a fabulous teen adventure movie.

Scott Pilgrim vs the World (2010)

Oh my god a movie that isn't old! Yes that's right, I think Scott Pilgrim vs the World is one of the best teenage action movies ever. Seriously if you haven't seen this movie then get your shit together and watch it, you won't be dissapointed. From the always awesome Edgar Wright (director of Shaun of the Dead) Scott Pilgrim is based on the comic series of the same name and it's so damn cool it'll blow your mind.

Scott Pilgrim is you're average Canadian hipster who lives an average life until he meets Ramona Flowers, the hipster girl of his hipster dreams. But you see Ramona's got these seven evil ex-boyfriends (and one evil ex-girlfriend played by Ann from Arrested Development) and to actually date Ramona, Scott has to defeat them all. In this world everyone's got super-powers and they're not afraid to use them and the special effects are just awe-inspiring.

With an awesome soundtrack, a great cast, hilariously funny lines and a top performance from teen movie king Michael Cera this movie is one of the best to come out for a long time. A definite must-see.

Last Action Hero (1993)

A movie about going inside a movie? Can I get a HELL YEAH? This used to be one of my favourites as a kid growing up, I mean c'mon Arnie was cool as hell in the movie. It's also been a little fantasy of mine to actually go inside a movie, this movies definitley plays up to that fantasy.

So the movie is basically about a kid who's obsessed with this movie character who stars in big-budget action movies, he's also friends with an employee of his local cinema (played by the Dracula guy from Gremlins II!). His friend gives him a magic ticket and before he knows it the kid is inside the actual movie!! Uh so yeah it's not the greatest story line but it's a hell of a lot of fun and Arnie is bloody AWESOME in it.

Teenage Rampage: the best teen romance movies.

2010-11-07T12:40:00.000Z

Here we are again, part two of my three part series on my favourite teen movies and this time it's all about love, yuck. I'm only kidding, love is a beautiful thing and as a teenager you fall in love with anyone, any guitar and any bass drum. When you're a teenager everything is heightened so falling in love can either be the best or worst experience of your life, and damn when it ends you feel like your young life is over. So here are my top five teen romance movies, again it's a personal list so just deal with my decisions ok?

Say Anything (1989)

There can't be one person in this world that doesn't adore John Cusack right? Before he saved the word in 2012 and spoke to the camera about his top five break-ups he played the adorable Lloyd Dobler, a guy so sweet he could only ever exist in the movies. I went through a period of watching this movie almost every single day so it's now in my long list of movies I can quote every line from, don't act like that's not cool.

So Lloyd is a kick-boxer trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life, he's in love with Diane Court but she's "a brain trapped inside the body of a gameshow host" according to his best friends. On the day of graduation Lloyd gets the balls to call up Diane and ask her out to the big graduation party Eric Stoltz is having, reluctantly she agrees but she soon starts to realise that Lloyd isn't like all the other guys that have asked her out before. They fall in love but soon break-up because Diane's heading off to England on a scolarship, however weeks before she's due to leave her father comes under investigation for stealing money from the old people he cares for in the home that he owns. Diane realises that she's super-duper madly in love with Lloyd and wins back his heart in a touching reunion scene, the movie ends with the couple getting on a flight to England together.

Say Anything isn't just my favourite teen romance movie, it's like one of my all-time favourite movies ever. When I first started to realise that John Cusack was way hot I decided to buy all of his movies in an Amazon splurge that cost me almost £50, it was worth it. I can still remember watching this movie for the first time and thinking damn, why can't real life be like the movies? Every male should watch this movie as a child so that they grow up knowing how to treat a lady, can you just imagine how freaking that amazing that would be?

10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Yes a movie not from the 80's, can you believe? 10 Things I Hate About You is an awesome example of 90's cinema and comedy-romance movies in a whole, and let's admit Heath Legder was pretty tasty. Based on Shakespeare's 'Taming of the Shrew' this entertaining slice of awesomeness boasts an awesome soundtrack and stars an impossibly adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

All the romance cliches are there, the nerd who's in love with the Prom Queen and the Prom Queen who's in love with the total douchebag who's also boned her sister. Then there's Kat and Patrick, she's an ultra feminist and he's just totally hot, end of conversation.

I didn't grow up with this movie and I only watched it for the first time last year but I'd have to shove it in this list. It's your perfect tale of High School romance, teens screwing each-other over then realising that they really do love each-other. Sure the formula's been done before but when movies are this good can we really complain?

Sixteen Candles (1984)

Samantha Barker is your average teenage girl, hormonally-charged, in love with the popular guy at school and a member of a family that generally don't notice her existence. This 1984 movie by the sorely missed legend John Hughes encapsulates the agony of being a teenage girl, from puberty to family it covers all bases and still rings true to this day. To put it simply, every teen girl should watch Sixteen Candles.

Molly Ringwald is a legend, love her or hate her she played the angsty teen so damn well, Anthony Michael Hall also stars as, you guessed it, the GEEK! Talk about type-casting but jeez he plays the awkward, nerdy teenage boy magnificently and he's ridiculously cute as well. The story follows Samantha on her sixteenth birthday which her parents forget about and how she slowly grows closer to her crush, the irresistable Jake Ryan.

Sixteen Candles is the creme de la creme of teen romance movies and one that won't ever be beaten. Somehow John Hughes managed to get it so right in all of his movies, the emotion that's poured into his movies is sincere and without apology. When he died the world lost one of the greatest screenwriters/directors it had ever seen and he will always be missed.

Heathers (1989)

With it's unrelenting and uncanny view on the life of a modern teenager it's hard to see how this movie could even be mistaken for a love story, but it is. Underneath it's cold and sometimes shocking exterior there is a romance here, clearly not your Princess meets Prince happy-ever-after romance although at times Winonna and Christian seem like your bad-ass, modern day Romeo and Juliet. Heathers isn't a movie that leaves me with a warm, comforting feeling after watching, in fact it leaves me feeling exactly the opposite.

The movie is bleak and because of that it so beautifully captures the feelings of teenage angst, desperation and self-loathing. Veronica is a part of the all-powerful girl clique, The Heathers consisting of three other ladies all named, you guessed it, Heather. In secret Veronica despises her friends and describes them as "people I work with and our job is being popular", but when she meets Jason Dean her world is turned upside down. He's your standard good-looking rebel, dark hair, dark eyes, dark everything and he's not afraid to speak his mind. When Veronica falls out with the head Heather he comes with her to concoct a potion that'll make her vomit, however in a only-in-the-movies scenario Veronica mistakes the glass of vomit-inducing orange and milk and picks up a glass filled with heavy duty bleach. Safe to say that the head Heather doesn't survive her bleach guzzling incident so Veronica and Jason fake a suicide note and flee.

I won't ruin the rest of the plot for you if you haven't seen it but suffice to say the movie gets even more dark and disturbing. But at the root of it all is Veronica's obsession with Jason, or Jason's obsession with Veronica, it's the dark side of love and it's there for all to see. He is the one that convinces her to kill, he brings her out of herself and turns her into something new albeit someone slightly deranged. The final ten minutes of the movie are really quite touching as Jason proclaims that he loved her and then in a big bang their love finally dies. This movie is a must watch, not only one of the best teen romance movies but one of the greatest teen movies ever. Ever.

She's All That (1999)

Laney Boggs is an art student and a loner, Zack Siler is a jock, class president and popular. When his friends challenge him to turn her into the prom queen in six weeks he reluctantly agrees and thus starts the romance. Like all movies it's not just plain-sailing, Laney is suspicious and doesn't believe that Zack really likes her which is true for the beginning of the movie but after getting his sister to make her over he starts to fall for her. Zack also has the bitchy ex-girlfriend who's determined to be prom queen and who dumped Zack for one of the stars of reality TV show The Real World.

I love this movie but it's hard to defend it, sure it's entertaining but it really is just a re-hashing of old rom-com ideals with a 90's twist. However if, like me, you don't feel the need for your movies to be intellectually stimulating then this movie could be your saviour on a lonely Sunday night.

Dear Halloween, I want you back already.

2010-11-01T02:27:00.000Z

So last night we had a huge party at our house, around 50 people came (bearing in mind our house is TINY). Everyone was dressed up and even though I stressed out I have to admit it was a pretty damn good party, we even had a pumpkin carving competition. I made 'Zombie Punch' for everyone and people got seriously, seriously drunk. I know people always say Americans do Halloween the best but you have to give us Brits a bit of credit, we know how to throw an awesome booze-fuelled party. So after an entire day of cleaning our house, trying to get red wine out of carpets and moving all the furniture back into the living room I present to you some of the photographs from last night....

Me as a Transylvannian from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Vampires didn't always suck, but they do now.

2010-10-29T02:12:00.000+01:00

Today I watched The Lost Boys 3 as I was in serious need for a bit of blood-sucking and I'm going through a bit of a Corey Feldman/Haim kick at the moment. I enjoyed the sequel to the amazing original even though a lot of people didn't but whatever, Corey Feldman kicks serious vampire butt. The Lost Boys 3 was dissapointing to the point of despair, even with the cheesy 80's references and the reunion of the Frog Brothers it just doesn't deliver. I'm going to write about all three movies in more detail soon, once the ten-million deadlines I have are over with and I've got some free time. In the mean-time if you haven't ever seen The Lost Boys then feast your eyes on these three videos.

This is my last post before Halloween so whatever you're doing, wherever you're going and whoever you're going as have a super spooky night and don't let the bed-bugs bite!

It's official.

2010-10-25T01:45:00.000+01:00

I suck at updating this blog sometimes and I start something then become incredibly busy and don't have enough time to finish it. My 'Teenage Rampage' three part series will be finished soon but what with two 2,000 word essays due in I think it's time to put my course before my blog, please forgive me?

Anyway it's only a week until Halloween now so I thought that instead of continuing the teen movie series this week I'd focus on the greatest holiday of all, All Hallows Eve. From tomorrow onwards I'll be doing small posts everyday with party ideas, outfit ideas, movie suggestions and some spooky music to choose from. I've literally spent so much money and effort on making the Halloween house party I'm having a hit. From pumpkin fairy lights to a light-up cocktail fountain and a pumpkin competition in which the winner gets a bottle of wine, it's sure gonna be the party of the century. I'm not even kidding you when I say I've spent hours trying to perfect our Halloween playlist, filling it to the brim with spooky sounds and ghoulish horror influenced rockabilly.

So to start us off here are a few songs that will be playing at our Halloween party...don't you wish you could be there?

Aiden - Cry Little Sister

Misfits - Dig Up Her Bones

Trap Door Theme Tune

Teenage Rampage: the best teen rebellion movies of all time.

2010-10-19T23:19:00.002+01:00

Photo by Joseph Szabo.

Being a teen is tough and we've all been through it. From puberty to social cliques, to spots and hormones it truly is the most exciting, nerve-wracking, depressing and exhilarating time of any persons life. Sometimes you find people that have forgotten what it was like to be a teenager, to feel like you could easily change the world and that you've just got to stick it to the man. Being a teenager is about having fun before the world tells you to settle down, get a job and get a mortgage, and before you believe it whole-heartedly and loose the fun, irresponsible person you once where. When you're a teenager it's ok to stand up and say "fuck you", it's ok to rebel, so clearly it's no surprise that there are a lot of movies out there dealing with the subject of teens and rebellion.

I've decided to make this a three-part blog called Teenage Revolution, over the next three days I will be telling y'all about teen rebellion movies, teen romance movies and teen adventure movies because let's face it, who wants to grow up? So here are five of my personal favourite teenage rebellion movies, ones that aren't afraid to grab authority by the balls and never let go.

Over The Edge (1979)

Over The Edge is my favourite tale of teenage rebellion, not just because it's got a young, crop-top wearing Matt Dillon in it but because it makes me want to stand up and fight the power. The movie is about a planned community in the desert in which over a quarter of the population are young teens, however the only place they have to hang out is a recreational centre which gets shut down by Sgt. Doberman after he catches one of the kids with hash. See, Sgt. Doberman is one of those guy's that's lost the feeling of being young, he just doesn't understand why the kids are rebelling and he sure as hell doesn't understand why they want to get high.

One day the kids stumble upon a gun and threaten Tip, the local drug dealer who's been bad-mouthing and telling on some of the other children, according to Dillon's character Richie "a kid who tells on another kid, is a dead kid". Tip's mother witnesses the attack and comes to school the next day, ready to name and shame the children who threatened her no-good son. Richie and Carl are the main characters (played by Dillon and Michael Kramer respectively) and they decide to take the gun and run, hoping to escape from the clutches of the town and start a new life somewhere else. However Sgt. Doberman is on their tail and although they put up a pretty good chase the car that Richie is driving soon topples over on some rocks, shattering their dreams of a new life elsewhere. Richie's not about to give up though, taking the gun in one hand he runs across the desert, Sgt Doberman shoots at him and Richie turns around. Holding the un-loaded gun in his hand he points it directly at the Sgt and utters the words, "fuck you pig", every word dripping in disgust for the man before him. Before we know what's happened the Sgt shoots Richie, Carl who is looking on helplessly goes on the run from home, confused and alone he gathers all the kids together to get revenge for Richie's needless death.

The ending of Over The Edge is one of the greatest endings to any movie in the history of the world ever. Seriously you have no idea how much I wish I could of surrounded my school, locked all the parents and teachers in the building and set fire to everything outside just to show them that I wouldn't be conforming to their rules. Not only does this movie satisfy my thirst for showing authority figures who's-who, it also boasts an amazing soundtrack, seriously this soundtrack is way cool. Let's face it, any movie that includes Cheap Trick's Surrender is a movie worth watching right?

Rock and Roll High School (1979)

Meet Riff Randell, rock and roller. She's your typical moderate val-girl but instead of worshipping pop icons she worships mean, punk pizza-addicts The Ramones and their front-man Joey who is the subject of her stoned fantasies. The scene where she imagines Joey singing 'I Want You Around' to her whilst she lies in bed is one of my favourite movie scenes ever, purely because I can relate to it, when I was younger I used to imagine, much like Riff, that people like David Bowie were in my room, singing songs to me. Anyway, Riff attends Vince Lombardi High, the school that likes to kick-ass and listen to rock and roll.

Due to the kids unruly behaviour the school just keeps losing principals, they can't handle the wildness of the teens or the raucousness of the rock and roll. But Vince Lombardi High is about to get a new principal, the evil rock-music-hating Miss Evelyn Togar who's determined to clean up the school and turn them into mindless drones. Togar takes it too far when she tries to burn the teens precious Ramones records and Riff Randell with the help of her fellow students and favourite band make a stand against the adults they will never forget.

Although Rock and Roll High School is a pretty cheesy movie it's still a great example of teenage rebellion and how a few kids uniting can change things for the better. One of my favourites, this movie still has something for everyone, it doesn't matter if you like The Ramones or not, just watch it with an open heart and an open mind and I'm sure you'll find something that appeals to you.

Dazed & Confused (1993)

Dazed and Confused is the story of a group of teens in the 70's, set on the last day of school in 1976 we are introduced to an array of wacky, hilarious and mean characters. Although the teens don't blow up a school or set fire to a teacher they still rebel in their own way; they get high. Weed is the name of the game, from the movies tag-line of 'Weed Rules!' to the constant smoking of dope by lovable Slater who seems to do nothing but get high and talk about aliens.

This film is definitely one of my favourites, I could watch it over and over again and not get bored of it. But I must say this film is not good for me, it makes me want to get high. I'm not kidding you, watching this movie without smoking a joint or taking a hit from the bong is virtually impossible, in fact as I write this I've already scoured through my phonebook looking for dealers numbers. There is something about this movie that makes you feel like you must join in, that like Bob Dylan once said, everybody must get stoned.

Cry Baby (1990)

Oh Cry Baby, how I adore thee. The amount of nights I've spent alone listening to the Cry Baby soundtrack, shutting my eyes and imagining that I'm back in the fifties with Wade Walker, necking in the back of his car whilst listening to something hillbilly and coloured. I wish I was a Cry Baby girl for Traci Lords and Ricki Lake are the epitome of rock and roll, trash and rebellion.

As for the movie itself it's a classic John Waters flick and being a life-long fan of the Pope of Trash it was pretty much set in stone that I would fall in love with this movie immediately. Wade 'Cry Baby' Walker is a dreamboat from the wrong side of the tracks, his daddy was the "Alphabet Bomber" and his momma couldn't even read, he was doomed to live in his parents shadow since the day he was born. He lives and breathes music and often performs at Turkey Point, a juvenile delinquent hot spot and also Cry Baby's home. The movie has one main theme, drapes vs squares, clearly anyone who's anyone would be on the side of the drapes for who could resist their tight leather clothes and slicked back hair? The squares on the other hand are straight-edge dweebs from the right side of town and they are damn boring, except for one, Alison Vernon-Williams.

Alison's a girl who's so tired of being good, she craves the attention of Cry Baby and even fantasizes about his face whilst she sings at her grandmother's talent show. Cry Baby and Alison embark on a wild love affair resulting in imprisonment, gang fights and a serious game of chicken. This is not just one of my favourite teenage rebellion movies, it's also one of my favourite movies of all time, period. If you haven't already seen it then do so, immediately, you won't regret it.

Pump Up The Volume (1990)

Who doesn't love Christian Slater? The guy used to be a dreamboat in the late 80's and early 90's, I'm not sure what the hell happened but now he's just really not hot. Anyway enough about his beautiful-ness and on to one of my favourite Slater movies ever and another teenage rebellion flick, Pump Up The Volume. A lot of people hate this movie and in a way I can sort of see why, I mean it's corny as hell but once you get past that you'll see that this movie is freaking awesome with a capital A.

It tells the story of Mark, an outsider who starts his own pirate radio station in Arizona with equipment his parents brought him to stay in contact with his friends from his old town on the East Coast. Adopting the pseudonym of 'Hard Harry' he broadcasts his opinions on high school life nightly interspersed with Leonard Cohen records. By day Mark is an every-day loner kid, ignored by peers and generally keeps himself to himself but by night he's Hard Harry, inspiring the teenagers of Arizona to stand up and be counted. Things go too far when one of his listeners commits suicide after speaking to him live on the air and the high school start a campaign to get Harry taken off the air.

In a way this movie isn't just about the importance of standing up for what you believe in, it's also a great social comment on the act of censorship. Christian's words in the movie still ring true to this day, especially to me when I'm feeling particularly down in the dumps. It's also just really, really fun with a bitchin' soundtrack so from me it's get two thumbs up.

So that's my top five teenage rebellion movies, it's a personal list so don't get all riled up if I haven't written about your favourite rebellion movie. Although on another note if you have any good ones you feel were missing or that I need to check out please let me know, I always enjoy watching new movies. Until tomorrow, don't be afraid to fight the power!

Super Spooky Halloween Ads.

2010-10-18T00:06:00.001+01:00

Hello kids, are you excited yet?

Halloween is just two weeks away so I hope you've all got your pumpkins and costume ideas at the ready. As for me I've finally managed to decide on a costume, one that wasn't even in my short-list, that's right folks this Halloween I'm going to be a Transylvannian from transexual Transylvania and pay homage to my favourite movie of all time, The Rocky Horror Picture Show. My outfit consists of black sparkly tap shoes, white socks, black velvet leggings, a white shirt, a black glittering waistcoat, a suit jacket with tails, a bow-tie and a party hat, I'm sure I'll be the belle of the ball.

As for my Halloween shennanigans I will be opening the doors to my new North London home and inviting the masses to come party the night away with me and my housemates at our 'Monster Mash Ball'. The pumpkins are on stand-by, the spider-webs have been brought and the alcohol is waiting in the supermarket, ready to be guzzled on.

So to celebrate this joyous ocassion because let's face it, Halloween is better than Christmas, I am going to share with you a selection of hilarious and down-right creepy Halloween TV ads. I hope you enjoy.

McDonalds Halloween commercial.

Creepy Elvira anti-meat Halloween commercial directed by Andy Dick.

Awesome Elvira Coors Light beer ad.

Monster cereal advert, SO good.

Halloween Horror Nights ad from the 90's.

Pillsbury Doughboy Halloween commercial.

Hallmark Halloween commercial.

Toys R Us Halloween commerical.

I want my MTV.

2010-10-15T21:14:00.000+01:00

When did MTV become rubbish? Was it when they employed that useless, boring twat Zane Lowe to sit on a couch with other useless people? Was it when music stopped becoming synth-driven fun? Or was it when we were invaded by the likes of Snooki and The Situation? Don't get me wrong, the Jersey Shore is a guilty pleasure for me and I do find it thorougly entertaining but I think we are all missing something. Isn't this supposed to be MUSIC television?

I'm not sure if you all agree but pregnant children and spoilt sixteen year old's don't really make me think music. With the rise of reality television and our obsession with other people's lives we seem to have lost something that was once incredibly important and powerful, we've lost the original MTV, the MTV that actually played records, had a huge host of brilliant video-jockey's and generally brought a bit of melody into people's lives in the eighties.

I can't be alone in my despair of this incredibly generic and uninspiring era can I? I may romanticise the eighties but in my heart-of-hearts I know it wasn't all hairspray and shoulderpads, in England we had the miner strikes and the poll tax riots to name just a few. But the eighties, for all it's wrongs, was so right. The music was unique and new wave, people danced like Molly Ringwald in The Breakfast Club and girls fell in love with gender-benders like Boy George. I lived in the eighties for exactly seven months, I feel like I was robbed. Like my housemates say to me, stepping in my room is like entering a bizarre eighties time-warp, you'll never hear me playing modern music and that's not to be all pretentious and cool. It's simply because I don't like modern music, isn't that sad?

When did our charts become dominated with auto-tuned records masquerading as rhythm and blues? I'm not sure if any of you know how it feels to be so isolated from your own generation, like you have nothing in common with the people you pass on the street everyday or even the people you're friends with. But the truth of the matter is people are pretty happy with Jersey Shore and Timbaland, maybe it's me who needs to put down the pink lipstick, step away from stone-wash denim jacket, turn off the Simple Minds record I've been playing all day and join the 21st century. Then again, where's the fun in that?

Growing pains.

2010-10-14T18:26:00.000+01:00

In the eighties what did people my age worry about?

Was it money, hair, relationships or family? Responsibility? The fear of simply growing up and becoming boring? Or was it the fear of being alone?

Would Molly Ringwald spend her nights alone in a bed that seems entirely too big, drowning her sorrows and loneliness in a bottle of white wine? No. She'd put on a badly-fitting pink dress, call up her girlfriend Ally Sheedy and party the night away at some rock and roll club.

The only experience I have with eighties, twenty-something singles is what I've seen in the pictures. In movies like St Elmo's Fire we see the troubles that faced the youth of the eighties, newly graduated and trying to figure out what to do with their lives. Do we suffer from the same problems today? I know that I can still relate to Rob Lowe's fear of growing up, not wanting to settle down and become responsible. And I can sure as shit empathise with Emilio Estevez's heart-wrenching obsession with Andi McDowell, for who hasn't fallen so madly in love that they feel their life would be over if said person didn't love them back.

I'm pretty sure that the problems twenty-somethings had then they still have now, maybe even on a higher scale. Demi Moore wouldn't of sat up all night facebook stalking her ex-boyfriends, in the eighties communication was purely through face-to-face contact, letters or telephone calls. Back then girls waited patiently by the phone for their beau's to call, now they have mobile phones permanently attached to their hands, ready to text at any minute.

I wonder if Judd Nelson looks back on his teenage years and wishes he could do it all again like so many twenty-something's I know do. Does he regret his mistakes or treat them as valuable life lessons? Personally I don't believe in mistakes, I believe in choices. Every decision we make for a reason, even if it does turn out to be the wrong one. Sometimes the wrong decision leads us down the right path, a path that will ultimately make us happy. I don't ever want to look back on my life with regret, you only have one shot and you might as well do the best you can with it.

Growing up is scary, we try and break away from our parents and the constant fear of one-day turning in to them haunts us for years and years. At what age does one grow up? Is it when you're living with your partner? When you've got a full-time job? Or simply when, like Alison said infamously in The Breakfast Club, your soul dies?

Ultimately I don't think any of our problems have particularly changed, they've just become more heightened. With the advent of social media it is so much easier to contact our significant others or friends, easier for us to check up on the people we're obsessed with. Emilio Estevez would have a field day on Facebook searching endlessley through Andi McDowell's photographs and scrolling through her status updates.

Break-up's are still hard and people still spend hours arguing over who gets custody of The Pretenders first album. Things haven't really changed, technology has. The world is still full of Ally Sheedy's and Demi Moore's, Judd Nelson's and Rob Lowe's and although the fashions have changed and the hairstyles are less mullet-esque, the days of the eighties brat-pack still live on in all of us.

Thanks to Lauren @ Hipstercrite for giving me this idea.

The Stages of Being Drunk.

2010-10-06T16:31:00.000+01:00

I am a drinker, I will happily drink alone, with one or two people or with an entire huge group of people. I drink spirits, wine, beer, cider and liquor, if it's got an alcohol percentage you can bet your bottom dollar I'll guzzle it. I've been known to drink three bottles of wine in a night and still be standing. I've also been known to drink a litre of vodka then violently throw up and have to be carried home after a birthday party, my FRIEND'S birthday party, not my own. So why do I do it? Why do I subject myself to the morning after? The terrible feeling of unease and the loss of memory, the feeling of shame and embarrassment even though you can't remember if you actually did something embarrassing.

There are a lot of stages to being drunk, especially with me. Let's have a look at them shall we?

#1 - THE BUZZ

You're on your first drink, getting the buzz depends on how well you've lined your stomach. If for instance you chowed down a 15" pizza by yourself you're going to have a bit of trouble getting drunk. However if you rock a trademark Emily move and have eaten the smallest mean known to man the chances are that you'll get the buzz from your first drink. However if you're drinking something with a low alcohol percentage the chances are lessened, drink wine, it's cheap and it has a high alcohol percentage. So what is the buzz? I always tend to think it's when my cheeks start to get warm, you'll also tell if I'm getting a bit buzzy because I will pay so much attention to the most banal stories.

#2 - TIPSY

This one is the best, bring on uncontrollable fits of laughter and an added boost of confidence. Even the most ridiculously lame joke can bring on an onslaught of squealing, snorting and general feeling of elated-ness. When you're tipsy things like this seem to happen...

Girl #1: Do you have a vibrator?
Girl #2: NO! Can you believe it?
Girl #1: Out of everyone I would of thought you'd have one.
Girl #2: Jesus no! I need one, GUYS? *the table of almost fifteen people stop talking and stare at the girl* Tomorrow I'm going to buy a VIBRATOR!

#3 - LOUD

This is when no matter how soft the music is and how unnecessary it is to shout your voice uncontrollably rises in volume. If the person you're talking to is also drunk then they probably won't notice but to everyone who isn't drunk around you they will totally be thinking who the hell is that loud, drunk mess? But who cares, fuck them!

#4 - EMOTIONAL

Also known as the worst phase in drinking this is where you start telling all of your best friends how much you absolutely adore the ground that they walk on, how much they inspire you and how much you really love them. The worst case of emotional drunkeness is after a split with a significant other, sweet Jesus, what made you think that drinking would be a good idea? Are you aware that alcohol is a DEPRESSANT? Seriously there is nothing more trashy or pitiful than a girl standing outside a bar on her phone, crying with mascara so smudged she looks like a bad Alice Cooper impersonator, saying shit like "but why is it over, just give me one more chance, but I love you!" Ew. Trust me, I've been there, done that and got a really crap t-shirt. Girls should not be allowed within 10 foot of a phone when they've been drinking...

#5 - THE COMEBACK TOUR

After the emotional breakdown comes the aptly named 'Comeback Tour'. Chances are you've sat on the stairs and your ex-boyfriend has just hung up on your drunk ass, you've looked in your compact mirror and realised what a mess you look like so now you're wallowing in self pity with your head in your hands. Cue the sympathetic girlfriend, they always show up. She'll convince you that no-one at the party hates you or thinks you're a bit of a loser, that's a lie by the way, chances are they've been bitching about you whilst you've been gone. With your spirits lifted somewhat and after a quick primp in the bathroom you're back and in the party zone. The alcohol has faded off a bit so you need to get your drink back on and quick. People who come back on the dance floor after emotional break-downs are often over-zealous or ridiculously awkward, either way it's a sight for sore eyes.

#6 - THE COMPLETE OBLITERATION OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

By this stage you've consumed an awful amount of alcohol and it's started affecting your speech, when you talk to someone you get in their face and they can't really understand what you're saying through all the slurring. Guys that would of considered hooking up with you are now totally put off as you clutch desperately to the half empty bottle of wine with a single straw stuck in it. Your friends tell you it's time to call it a night but as you've still got the use of your legs you choose to carry on drinking, until....

#7 - YOU FALL OVER & YOUR FRIENDS HAVE TO CARRY YOU HOME

Whilst dancing enthusiastically by yourself to Gloria Gaynor's 'I Will Survive' you slip on a drink that YOU spilt and fall to the floor. You cut your leg pretty badly and start to cry, soon your girlfriends (saints that they are) are peeling your drunken behind off the floor and carrying you to your bed. You go to sleep ignorant of how much distress you've caused everyone and how much of an absolute idiot you were. In the morning your friends will tell you that you were fine even though they spent the best part of the night moaning about your actions.

I love you Huey Lewis.

2010-10-06T02:38:00.000+01:00

Last night I saw Back to the Future in the cinema, even though I've seen that movie over and over again it felt like seeing it for the first time. As I ate popcorn I leaned back into the leather seat and imagined that I was a teenager of the eighties, that Back to the Future had just been released and me and my friends had rushed to the cinema to see it and that Huey Lewis was still hot. Because everyone knows he's not hot anymore right? Seriously though, I've been in love with (a young) Huey Lewis ever since I heard his husky voice singing about the power of love whilst Marty McFly skateboards his way to school. That and the 'Hip To Be Square' scene in American Psycho.

So I sort of delved a little further into the Huey Lewis and the News back catalogue and found some pretty phenomenal songs lying hidden under the surface. I'm not kidding, I think Huey Lewis and the News are one of the greatest bands of the eighties, if not of all-time. Upon a google search I found the website for Huey's agent and apparently you can book the band for International appearances, I'm now wondering how much it would cost to get them to play at my next birthday party. Here are three of the best Huey Lewis tracks (minus Power of Love, Heart and Soul and Hip To Be Square), I hope you enjoy.

I Want A New Drug
Apparently Huey has an addiction to some really bad drugs that make him nervous and wondering what to do but the drugs he really wants are the one's that make him feel how he feels when he's alone with you. I'm not sure who you is, I can only interpret it as meaning myself. A bit of Huey trivia for you, did you know that he sued Ray Parker Jr because of the uncanny likeness between this song and the Ghostbusters theme? The case settled out of court but it's clear that Ray paid Huey off, seriously the likeness between the two songs is insane.

In the video Huey wears this amazing orange suit, seriously I need to meet a guy who wears orange suits. He also has a pair of really cool sunglasses and a little yellow convertible. Seriously could Huey Lewis get any fucking cooler? This song is for sure on the same scale as 'The Power of Love', it's packed with synth, sax and sex appeal.

Finally Found A Home
Another power ballad from Huey, this song is clearly about someone who thought they would never find a home but it turns out that they actually do and they seem really happy, excited and somewhat surprised about it. But it's not a home as in four walls and a roof, no, this guy has apparently found his home within a song. Well you know they say home is where the heart is, this guy's heart is clearly in a song. The only annoying thing is that Huey doesn't specify what song it is that this guy has made his home, is it the one we're listening to or something else? I guess it'll just be an unsolved mystery...

Back in Time

Along with 'The Power of Love' this song graced the silver screen in the epic Back to the Future, it's used in the scene where Marty wakes up to it playing on his alarm radio and it's also in the end credits. Seriously could this song be any more dance-able if it tried? All together now...tell me Doctaaah where are we going this time? Is this the 50's or 1999. All I can say is that this song is off the charts in terms of catchiness and dance-ability, god bless Huey.

Super Spooky Sunday: The Highgate Vampire

2010-10-03T17:59:00.004+01:00

It's back, and this time for good. I've been neglecting the blogging world recently but I'm now going to throw myself back into it's loving arms and revive my super spooky Sunday feature.

October is now upon us, you can hear the horror fans rejoice as their favourite holiday, All Hallows Eve, approaches fast. This month I'm going to be focusing on some of the best, real-life spooky stories in a bid to try and terrify you. Today I would like to tell you the tale of the Highgate Vampire, what makes this story even more spooky is the fact that it took place only 20 minutes away from my house in London, I've also visited Highgate Cemetery several times.

Now you horror fanatics may recognise Highgate Cemetery from the Hammer Horror classic 'Taste the Blood of Dracula'. Highgate Cemetery was created in 1839 and is still open to this day, it was in an incredibly 'in-Vogue' place to be buried for Victorians but by the 60's the cemetery had fallen into disrepair. The cemetery was often vandalised and was victim to criminal damage and break-in's and the local newspapers start reporting on strange going's on inside the graveyard. One of the earliest reports of a so-called vampire comes from two convent girls who were walking home at night past the cemetery. Seeing as I've visited Highgate many times I might as well set the scene for you.

On their walk home they passed the creepy north gate of the cemetery. Anyway the two girls claimed that they whilst walking down Swain's Lane which passes the cemetery they saw the most horrific thing. Bodies rising from their tombs! It is reported that one of the girls also suffered from night terrors and blood loss immediately after seeing the undead rise on that fateful night.

There have been many other tales of vampirism at Highgate, like the engaged couple who were taking the same route home at night who claim to have seen something hideous floating around the gate. Even though all the accounts seem pretty believable it's also good to bear in mind that the cemetery was pretty much abandoned at this point in history and that it has been factually reported that teenagers and trouble-makers liked to run around the cemetery at night trying to scare people. I'd love to believe the story of the Highgate Vampire but the truth of the matter is there are no actual facts to back it up, no evidence and for that reason I'm still very much a vampire sceptic. I've been researching this topic for at least three hours now, I've watched video after video, read countless interviews and listened to hundred's of other people's opinions. I'm confused to say the least, so let's try and make this story simple shall we?

Publicity grew in the late 60's when a group of occult-loving youngsters started visiting the cemetery, on December 21st 1969 one of the group's members, the infamous David Farrant, spent the night in the cemetery. In a letter that he wrote to a local newspaper he claims that he saw a grey figure and wanted to know if anyone else had seen anything similar, he received several responses from residents who all claimed to have seen the entity. Soon enough another local came forward, Sean Manchester, claiming that he knew there was a supernatural entity in the cemetery and that it needed to be exorcised. Sean is reported as saying "the King Vampire of the Undead walks again", he was clearly a man with of sane mind right? He believed that much like Nosferatu the entity had been brought to England in a coffin by some insane followers who had brought him a house in the west end, what a lucky vampire. Unfortunately things turned sour and the followers buried the mysterious being on what was soon to become Highgate Cemetery, Sean claimed that satanists had aroused the entities spirit and he was now roaming free.

Sean wasn't entirely wrong when he claimed that satanists were using the cemetery, in the late 60's and early 70's the cemetery was rife with devil worshippers. There was even a reported case of a man who returned to his car that he had parked in Swains Lane and found a corpse in the passenger seat, clearly the work of either satanists of general trouble-makers. However it was also Sean Manchester's belief that the body of the spirit needed to be staked, beheaded and then burnt. One of the headlines from the local newspaper was 'Does a Vampyr walk in Highgate?' and there were reports of dead foxes everywhere that appeared to have been drained of blood.

David Farrant has always been adamant that he does not know whether the entity was a vampire or not, he said that there are some elements which could be vampiric but not in the sense of the Hammer Horror style Dracula we all know and love. However Sean Manchester was adamant that what he saw was a vampire, a blood-sucking, pale vampire who had risen from the grave to drain the goodness from the living. It's also worth remembering that Sean Manchester is also a catholic bishop and although there have been many questions over how legitimate his title is he is legally a bishop, he also claims to of come across werewolves. Rivalry began brewing between David and Sean, each of them claiming that they had the power to rid the entity from this earth but neither of them really doing anything except throw some big words about. On Friday 13th March Sean organised an 'official' vampire hunt, soon word spread and despite police attempts at keeping people away a mob of hunters from all across London stormed the cemetery gates. Sean Manchester also claims to have exorcised many vampires in his time and apparently he's even come face-to-face with the Highgate Vampire himself. After a while the Highgate vampire legend became old news although David and Sean did reach headlines again after declaring a 'magician's duel' for Friday 13th April on Parliament Hill, according to Sean's book he showed but David did not.

Both of them have written several books about the Highgate vampire and have spoken publicly about it, there have even been sightings of the entity reported as recently as 2007. If there is one thing that's clear about this spooky and confusing case it's that we will never ever know the truth, if there really is a vampire roaming through the gravestones at Highgate cemetery how will it ever be proven? It's clear that this super spooky story will remain unsolved, or will it?

The greatest couples of rock and roll.

2010-10-02T19:15:00.000+01:00

So I know what you're thinking? You probably thought I'd died or something right?

WRONG. I got a job.

I now work in the student bar at my university and I hate to admit it but it's really damn fun, I think I was born to serve alcohol to drunk students, it seems to be my forte. Anyway, I've been serious slacking in blog posts so here's a long one to wet your appetite!

Throughout history there have always been famous couples, partnerships that ordinary, lonely people romanticise on. Although their relationships may of been turbulent and at times badly matched we still admire them today, well at least I do and it's always fun to have a nose around in someone else's love life right? Here are some of my favourite couples who have made some sweet noises together...

David and Angie Bowie

Angie met David when she was just nineteen, they met through a record-executive who just so happened to be a mutual friend of the both, they married a year later. Angie and David's relationship is probably one of the most exciting of all and was clearly the inspiration for the movie 'Velvet Goldmine'. However it did not end well as the couple divorced in 1980 and Angie gave up all custody rights to their child who you may now know as the director of the movie 'Moon'. Without Angie, David wouldn't be the charismatic and enigmatic character we know today and it is accepted that Angie played a pivotal role in making Bowie a star. The split was not a good one, Bowie bad-mouthed her in the press and said his success had nothing to do with her, Angie being the darling that she is said, "“Famous men frequently do that when they feel threatened by a woman’s influence. They like to be thought of as the sole genius. God forbid that any woman helped them to get where they did. Picasso did the same thing to his women -- he tried to write them off as insane.” Although the partnership ended on bad terms it cannot be denied that the Bowie's had an exciting relationship, whilst it lasted that is. Tales of bi-sexual orgies and heavy drug use were common in the Bowie camp and the couple were very honest about their open relationship.

Compatibility: 5/10
Although Angie and Bowie were at first well-suited and like-minded things soon turned sour with Bowie giving her £750,000 in return for full custody of their son. In recent years Angie has claimed that she regrets ever taking the money and it has caused an irreparable rift between her and her son. Sometimes folks the rock and roll life isn't always that sweet and sure they may have had a few good years but as Bowie went on to become an even bigger star, Angie was an outsider merely looking in on a world she used to know so well. As much as I love Bowie I've gotta side with Angie in this break-up.

David Johansen and Cyrinda Foxe

David and Cyrinda are by far one of my favourite rock and roll couples, purely because they look so damn pretty together. Cyrinda was part of the art scene and starred in Andy Warhol's 'Pork', you may also recognise her from Bowie's music video for 'The Jean Genie'. David was and still is the lead singer of the greatest band in the world, the legendary New York Dolls. They were married for less than a year so it wasn't really a match made in heaven, Cyrinda left David for Steven Tyler and had a child with him (Mia Tyler). She wrote a tell-all book about how abusive Steven was and didn't speak ill of her previous husband, David Johansen. According to rumour David wrote the song 'Looking For A Kiss' about Cyrinda and if that's true she's one lucky girl, what a song to have written about you.

Compatibility: 6/10
Although only lasting a short while their relationship was generally a happy one with no massive rifts or arguments reported. Cyrinda may have dumped David for another big-lipped, egotistical rocker but it's clear she remained on good terms with her first love, Johansen. Did I mention that they look really, REALLY good together? Poor Cyrinda died of a brain tumor in 2002, such a shame but her legacy goes on as one of the best rock and roll female muses.

Tommy Lee and Heather Locklear

My favourite heavy metal pairing, Tommy and Heather married in May 1986 and divorced in 1994. When asked about the apparent satanic lyrical content of Motley Crue's records Heather responded with, "Tommy doesn't worship the devil, he worships me". According to the Internet Tommy and Heather met after an REO Speedwagon concert and as a connoisseur of classic rock I can tell you that REO Speedwagon are pretty damn romantic. I guess they locked eyes during 'Can't Fight This Feeling' and realised it was love at first sight. Heather filed for divorce when she suspected Tommy of cheating on her, although Tommy has a bad track record for beating on his significant others Heather claims that he never abused her.

Compatibility: 8/10
Even though they divorced this couple were together for EIGHT YEARS, eight years in a rock and roll showbiz marriage is like a life-time! You cannot deny that they look wonderful together, I'm still a huge Heather fan and I'm still a big Tommy Lee fan, whatever, don't judge me. They should of stayed together, they both had epic hair.

Sonny and Cher

Spector in Hollywood. Cher fell for Sonny and the couple eventually married and had children. They divorced in 1975 and there was a lot of tension between the two for years until they finally resolved their differences and became friends again. In 1998 Sonny died and Cher spoke at his funeral calling him "the most unforgettable character I've ever met". The couple were beautiful while they lasted and even though they went their separate ways they managed to keep a friendship after a pretty nasty divorce. Sonny Bono is still missed to this day...

Compatibility: 9/10
Sonny and Cher were an unstoppable duo determined to succeed and that's exactly what they did, for the early part of the 70's they held the music and TV industry by the balls and refused to let go. They will always be remembered as one of the most powerful couples in the entertainment industry. Without Sonny Bono there wouldn't of been a Cher and without Cher there wouldn't of been a Sonny Bono. This pair, despite their publicised differences, were incredibly alike and it was fate that brought them together, they were clearly destined to be. R.I.P Sonny.

Meeting Jeff Goldblum, expectations vs reality.

2010-09-24T14:00:00.000+01:00

I did it.

I met Jeff Goldblum. Brundlefly.

But I screwed it up, I was supposed to be suave and some-what charming but I stuttered over my words and almost cried. What an idiot. I even dressed up for the occasion and walked around central London in a pair of five and a half inch heels and I drunk a bottle of wine before-hand.

So before I actually came to face-to-face with the tall guy I had several ideas about what our encounter would be like, here is the one that I pondered on the most...

Expectation.

Jeff would come out of the stage door, I would be the only person there, he'd look at me intensely whilst stroking his chin with those mesmerising hands of his. His driver and personal assistant would try and usher him away as quickly as possible but he comes over to me.

"Hello, what's your name?" he asks, voice dripping in seduction.

"Emily, I'm a big fan, I really just adore the work you've been doing on the stage, I find it so poignant and even though the original script dates back to the early sixties I think it still rings true to this day. The way you and co-star Mercedes Ruhel bounce off each-others energy is truly enchanting," I reply with a casual air.

"Why thank-you Emily, would you like to join me at a jazz club where we can sit in candle-light and basque in each-other's awesomeness?" he stares at me, willing, practically begging me to say yes.

I agree and we walk off into the smokey London night.

Well it didn't really happen like that...

Reality sucks.

Me and Amy stood outside the stage door to the Vaudeville theatre, I'm in shoes that are literally crippling my feet and there are at least twenty to twenty-five other rampant fans outside. Jeff comes out and speaks to some American girls, I don't know what it is about him but everything that comes out of his mouth manages to sound sexy or maybe I mean sleazy. Yes. He sounds like he's coming on to every person he talks to.

Jeff looks me in the eye, my mind shuts down, I feel tears welling in my eyes, the guy I watched in a cinema when I was four years old is now standing in front of me being really tall and flirty.

"Hi," he says in that way that turns the ordinary gesture of saying hello into something sexual.

"I can't believe I'm meeting you," I say with my hand covering my mouth trying to suppress my tears. Whatever, I'm a fan ok?

"You're so sweet" he says and puts an arm around me and then smiles for a photograph.

"I haven't actually been to see the play yet, I'm going to on Friday," stupid, stupid me, don't tell Goldblum you haven't even seen his damn play. And I'm not even going to see it, so I lied, I lied to Jeff Goldblum. I'm totally going to hell.

"You must come!" he says, my legs are weak, I need to leave, I need to leave right now.

But then it's over, he's talking to someone else now.

I feel happy that Jeff was such a cool guy but I'm also sort of disappointed that I don't live in the alternate universe in which me and Jeff go out for drinks at a jazz bar.

I'm also super-pissed off that Goldblum looks as scared as hell in this photograph. On the train home whilst looking at the photo, intensely studying every aspect of it, I proclaimed, "Jesus Jeff I wasn't going to bite you....unless you asked." Who says you can't make life a sexual innuendo?

Goodbye sweet friends.

2010-09-17T13:47:00.000+01:00

I am leaving the blogging world...

FOR A WEEK.

Gotcha! You thought I was leaving for real didn't you? Never, you're stuck with me for life.

I will however be absent for a week as I move into my new house tomorrow. Whenever I'm about to leave home I start to get a bit melancholy, sure I don't like this town but I love my mum and I will miss her. I know my mum will read this, yes I will actually miss you! Anyway, I know what you're thinking...boy I'd love to see some photos of this beautiful house. Don't fret, here are some pictures of my new house. Wish me luck!

My room - Partially moved in, this is from one side of the room, this room is huge compared to my one at home.

My room again - I'm on the ground floor so I have a door to the garden in my room, amazing because I'm a smoker and we aren't allowed to smoke in the building.

Kitchen - that's my mum!

Tiny living room - needs a few mirrors in it and it'll seem bigger. I also want to get some throws to put over the sofa because it's UGLY.

See you in a week!

A love restrained, the story of Axl Rose and Stephanie Seymour.

2010-09-16T18:11:00.000+01:00

Stephanie Seymour and Axl Rose are in my opinion one of the most photo-friendly, rock and roll couples of all time. Even though Axl was and still is clearly in an unfit mental state you can tell he loved her, he probably still does because he wrote a song about her which featured on the long-awaited and truly gruesome album Chinese Democracy.

Axl first caught a glimpse of Stephanie when she was on the front cover of Playboy back in 1991 and soon fell into absolute obsession with her, probably because she bared all. He was determined to meet her and wanted her to star in one of his music videos, at the time she was having an affair with Warren Beatty but the story goes that she soon dropped him when she met Axl. Axl claimed that Stephanie was his true love and his perfect woman, it was clear how enamoured he was with the model.

The couple were engaged and lived with each other for two years, Axl became incredibly attached to Stephanie's son Dylan and was even planning to adopt him. Things sooned turned sour when Axl started to have suspicions that Stephanie was cheating on him and the couple split. There are also other allegations that Axl split with her because he saw her doing cocaine in front of Dylan, who knows aye? Stephanie sued Axl for physical abuse, he returned the allegation saying Stephanie had abused him and when the case went to court Stephanie called upon Axl's former wife to back-up her claims. The case was settled out of court, that's what happens when you have a lot of money and a reputation to up-hold. There are allegations that Stephanie's son Dylan was told that Axl had abandoned him and this led to Axl's severe depression over the split, that and the fact that he was and still is clearly in love with her. Stephanie doesn't hold the same strong emotions that Axl clearly does, when questioned about ever seeing him again she answered with...

“Would I ever have a conversation with him again? God no, I can’t believe I lived through that.”

I wish these two would of ended up together but unfortunately life isn't like that. Axl and Stephanie were clearly not meant to be but damn they looked so good together and you can't argue with that right?

Whatever, I'm sure they still love each other.

Here's a song that Axl wrote about Stephanie.

Teenage Revolution.

2010-09-14T01:47:00.000+01:00

This Is England is a movie directed by the critically acclaimed Shane Meadows. It's also one of the most exciting dramatic movies to come out of England for a long time and anyone that hasn't seen it needs to do so immediately. The movie follows Shaun, a working class kid from the north, struggling to find his place in life. Bullied at school Shaun is dejected and disenfranchised, desperately searching for a social clique to fit into and in dire need of friends. He meets Woody, the loveable skinhead who would go to the end of the earth and back for his friends and they soon strike up a friendship. Shaun is accepted into a skinhead gang, if you're unsure of what skinheads are then don't worry I'm here to tell you, you learn things from this blog remember.

In the 1980's a new movement arose, suddenly kids everywhere were shaving their hair, wearing Doc Marten's and listening to old 60's reggae. For girls it was normal practice to shave most of the hair, leaving only a fringe and maybe a tuft of hair at the back. General attire was a pair of jeans, braces, a Ben Sherman shirt and a pair of Doc Marten's boots, they looked sickeningly cool. Skinheads contrary to popular belief were not racist, they listened to reggae music and attended reggae soundsystems and dances, they were anything but racist. Unfortunatley white power groups got hold of the word skinhead and started using it, thus giving the whole movement a bad rep. The movie basically documents the divides in skinhead culture and how white nationalists turned the movement into something entirely different.

Anyway I digress (as always), so Shaun gets accepted into the gang and all is well until the appearance of Combo, a racist who has just been released from prison. He tries to incite his hateful views on the rest of the group which causes a pretty turbulent divide, Shaun being young and impressionable starts to see Combo as a father-figure and joins him. Together they launch a tirade of racial abuse towards many people including an asian shopkeeper. Any more spoilers and I'll pretty much ruin the entire movie for you, it's definitely one that you should see though. The eighties are always romanticised about, from the music to the fashion it's been a decade looked back on with rose-tinted glasses. People seem to forget about the terrible political climate of the eighties, especially in England with the rise of Margaret Thatcher and the facist group, The National Front (now disguised as the British National Party).

This is England is an incredibly important movie as it not only documents the sub-culture of skinheads but also the political climate and racial tension. The soundtrack is phenomenal, the acting is superb and overall this movie is off the charts in terms of excellent-ness (I made a new word). Although the eighties may be fun to look back on with a nostalgic eye let us not forget the real hardships of the decade. Watch this movie with a careful eye and experience what real life was like for the working class of England in the decade full up to the brim with shoulder-pads and bad hair.

Being boring.

2010-09-13T00:07:00.000+01:00

Me at eighteen.

No spooky Sunday today, I'd like to tell you a little story instead.

Yesterday I went for dinner at my favourite restaraunt, The Diner on Carnaby Street in London, if you're ever in the Soho/Carnaby Street area I totally recommend it. The waiter sat us on a long corner sofa, you know the kinds that are sort of shaped like the letter 'L'? Anyway it was just me and mum and a few shopping bags, there were four other people on the sofa with their children all chowing down on the epic food The Diner supplies it's patrons. As I ordered my chicken fajitas and coke float I thought I recognised one of the guys on the sofa but I didn't think much of it. The meal was good although my mum refused to eat out of the basket her burger came in and demanded a plate thus ruining her entire diner experience (baskets are a must).

We paid for the bill and as we rose from the sofa I noticed the people at the table more clearly, well two of them, and the penny dropped. It was none other than Gary Powell from The Libertines who had also drummed for the New York Dolls and Adam Ficek, former member of Pete Doherty's band Babyshambles. I didn't say anything, didn't really get too excited about it but to put things into perspective, I've seen Babyshambles live over ten times and The Libertines were my favourite band for years when I was in my teens. This got me thinking, if my sixteen year old self had sat on a sofa next to two members of her favourite band and ate dinner she would of literally wet herself and been unable to eat due to not being able to take her eyes off them. Oh how the times have changed.

Although my twenty-one year old self regained cool and acted nonchalant (I might have quickly updated my facebook status upon leaving the establishment) I don't think I've changed that much, it's just my obsessions that have changed. If Jeff Goldblum or Bill Murray were sitting on the sofa next to me whilst I tried to stuff my face full of chicken fajita I would of been an absolute mess, to be honest I probably would of had to leave. So I guess what I'm trying to say is personally I haven't changed at all, the only thing that's changed are the things I like, I guess they've matured in a way. From the ages of sixteen to eighteen I used to spend most of my time trying to meet the celebrities I obsessed over. There weren't many weeks that went by when I wouldn't be at a concert or a film premiere, I even partied with the cast of The Mighty Boosh (uk comedy show) on a boat on the Thames river in London. Looking back on my teenage years I've come to realise how much fun they were, and now I'm twenty-one my life seems somewhat boring. Sure I have a house in London now, lots of amazing friends and I'm at university but somehow it doesn't compare to the wild hay-day of my youth.

But I guess everyone goes through this right? Everyone reminices with a nostalgic longing for the long-gone days of their teenage rebellion don't they? I don't want to get old and boring, planning weekends around trips to Sainsburys to fill my cupboards up with comfort food. I don't want to sit in on a Saturday night with a tub of Ben and Jerry's, crying about my lost youth. I don't want to grow up, become responsible, lose my looks, get fat(ter), pop out a few children and then die regretting all the things I didn't do. Are you sure everyone feels like this?

Spandex, hairspray and guitars: top 5 girls of 80's rock.

2010-09-08T00:12:00.000+01:00

First of all I apologise for the somewhat journalistic tone of this blog post, this is my try at writing something that doesn't look like it was written by a valley girl. For sure read it though OK?

In the history of rock and roll girls usually play second fiddle to the guys, however the eighties showed the rise of the female rock star. The decadent era introduced many talented ladies into the mainstream, male-dominated world of rock and roll, it paved way for the nineties sensation of 'girl power' and the female front-women we have today. Let's take a look at the best of the best, the girls who really knew how to snarl, rock-out and most of all, have fun.

Joan Jett

Infamous for her time in the short-lived, all-girl punk band The Runaways Joan set out to have her own solo career and in the eighties she really hit the big time. With songs like 'Bad Reputation, 'I Hate Myself For Loving You' and 'I Love Rock and Roll' she showed people that she wasn't just a guitarist, she was a powerful front woman as well. Joan had the style, she was often seen in leather and this added to her bad girl image along with her choppy hair and black eyeliner. Joan was one of the original bad girls of rock and she was a major inspiration in the later wave of 'riot grrl' music of the 90's. Joan still records and performs today and she's just as rocking as she was back then.

Lita Ford

Another ex-member of The Runaways, Lita also made a good name for herself in the world of eighties rock and roll. In the late eighties she was managed by another woman of rock, Sharon Osbourne, and even recorded a duet with Ozzy which reached #8 in the charts. Although never really having as much commercial success as Joan you can't deny Lita's talent. She had a short-lived romance with Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx who she co-wrote the song 'Falling In and Out of Love' with before marrying W.A.S.P guitarist Chris Holmes which was short-lived.

Lita looked tough with her tattoos but she also brought with her an air of femininity, always seen in videos wearing tight clothes and high heels. Along with Joan she proved that women could be seen as feisty and wild as well as being sexually provocative.

Vixen

This all-girl, power rock band from Los Angeles back-combed their hair into oblivion and wore some seriously risque clothing. Their biggest hit, 'Edge of a Broken Heart' is a woman's break-up anthem, one sung by drunken girls everywhere on karaoke nights across the world. Vixen were a band that stood for female independence and they had talent in heaps. Although the band sung songs about breaking up and self-reliance you only had to look at their towering hair and their over the top make-up to know they were ultra-feminine.

But don't cast them off as a bunch of pretty girls with big hair, they really did have true talent with a bunch of kick-ass songs to boot. Vixen are one girl band from the eighties well worth listening to, over and over again until you feel like a strong, independent power woman.

Pat Benatar

Technically Pat's career started in the late seventies with the release of her album 'In The Heat of the Night' but the eighties saw a wave of Benatar mania. Pat was sexy, cool and tough and she inspired a whole wave of girls to cut their hair short and adopt her style. Her 1980 album 'Crimes of Passion' saw Pat come into her own, especially with the classic 'Hit Me With Your Best Shot', another anthem of fierce female independence. Although Benatar can't be grouped in with tough girls like Lita and Joan she still represents a whole generation of independent, free-thinking women. To put things into perspective, in the late 70's the latest musical craze to hit the nation was punk and although there were a few female punk bands it was predominantly a male driven genre. The eighties was a time for women like Pat to come forward and arouse the senses of the dormant female population, to give them a voice that they had never had before.

Cyndi Lauper

There is no doubt Cyndi Lauper was one of the most exciting and original recording artists to come out of the 80's. Cyndi was sassy with her thick New York drawl and her rainbow coloured hair. Her debut record, 'She's So Unusual' is one of the rare records in which every song could be a single. Cyndi has inspired countless women in her career and her influence can still be seen today in pop stars like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. Her look was punk mixed with the skin-head inspired half shaved head and obvious eighties influences. Her music was electro pop mixed with a bit of soft rock for good measure. But her legacy is outstanding, 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' is still one of the most famous songs of all time, one of those songs that everybody you know has heard. Although she never came across as bad-ass or tough she still had a pretty unique image, she was the strange girl of pop music, someone who thought that fashion and image was just as important as the music. Cyndi will never be forgotten and 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' will still continue to be over-played until the end of time.

This is the house, come on in...

2010-09-05T20:55:00.000+01:00

Oh shit it's that time of the week again, ready to get spooked? This week I have an amazing scary movie to present to you, one that really connected with me and not just because I love Rob Zombie, a lot. That's right kids, this week come into the house that drips with sin, where you can make sweet love to a skeleton and no-one bats an eye, welcome to the House of 1000 Corpses.

I know a lot of people have mixed feelings about this movie, like my friends at university who thought the movie was absolutely terrible and not enjoyable in the slightest. But dudes, this movie is an epic, you have to appreciate it for all it's trashy, cliche charm, just open up your heart and let it in.

House of 1000 Corpses is the story of four young amateur journalists who are writing a book about "the weird shit you see when you're travelling cross-country". Jerry, Bill, Mary and Denise are their names, they're your run of the mill kids who take a road trip never guessing that they'll come face to face with some of the most depraved, backwards Americans known to man. They stop off to get gas at a place called Captain Spaulding's, an establishment which offers gas, fried chicken and a museum full of strange and wacky things, it's even got a murder ride!

Captain Spaulding tells the group about the local legend of Dr Satan, an insane man who thought that he could make an army from the mentally ill by operating on their brains, spooky stuff. Jerry and Bill are super excited and they all head out to find the infamous hanging tree where Dr Satan was sentenced to death. It's a typically rainy night and the gang soon run into a beautiful hitch-hiker called Baby Firefly, gotta give some credit to Mr Zombie for giving the characters some pretty sweet names (most of them taken from Marx brothers movies). Baby seems sweet and innocent but she's not, in her spare time she likes to kidnap cheerleaders and listen to The Ramones' classic 70's punk song 'Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue'.

Apparently she only lives down the road a few miles so the guys are more than willing to give them a lift, the girls are a bit suspicious. Out of nowhere their tyres burst and they end up walking to the house as Baby claims her big bro' Rufus is a car fixer type person. When they get to the house the group are little bit like what the fuck? I mean come on, if you ended up at a house with severed baby doll heads stuck up on a wall you'd be a little spooked right?

I won't give any more spoilers away for this movie as I really want y'all to run out and buy it, rent it or download it. All I will tell you is that inside that house are some of the most sick and vile people in the history of scary movies. And the scene where Otis presents his fishy creation to the world is one of the most hilarious scenes in the history of horror.

I really love Rob Zombie, even his 'Halloween' movies (which a lot of people hate with a passion), Rob's got a serious love for horror and he knows the genre like the back of his hand. House of 1000 Corpses is one of those movies that terrified me, made me laugh and entertained me from start to finish, but why do I love it when the majority of people I know hate it? I guess you need to see the movie from my point of view, it's a piece of sick and twisted fun with hilarious gags and really disgusting gore. It's shocking (the 'who's your daddy?' scene still gives me the heebee-jeebies) and in a way it's endearing, it's a homage to the horror genre. You might ask, how is it a homage, it's just a piece of overly camp trash. House of 1000 Corpses encompasses everything we love about horror from satan worship to the deformed, to mutilation and politically incorrect jokes. I just wish people would see what I see in this movie and appreciate the brilliance of Rob Zombie, or maybe I'm just biased because he's one of my favourite musicians? Either way House of 1000 Corpses is a movie that every horror lover should see and you'll either love it or hate it, with Rob Zombie there is no inbetween.

When I grow up I want to be a....valley girl?

2010-09-03T18:39:00.002+01:00

Frank Zappa did a song about them with his daughter. Geena Davis played one in 'Earth Girls Are Easy'. E.G Daily was Queen of the Vals in the movie 'Valley Girl'. You've probably heard of the expression valley girl before but you probably have no idea how much I 'effin love these totally awesome Californian ladies. I write like a valley girl that's for sure and I only wish that I could get away with talking like one although I do occassionaly slip in a bit of val speak in everyday conversation. As an avid fan of the valley girl I think it's only right that I share with you some valuable tips on how to be one, if you're adventurous I dare you to take these tips on board and turn yourself into an original eighties val.

Know your valley girls
To be a true val you need to know your valley girl's, there are so many famous valley girls but here is a brief list of the most important ones. fictional and non-fictional. These girls need to be your heroes, study them in depth and copy their every move, it's a sure fire way to succeed in being a val.

80's pop sensation Tiffany.
Moon Unit Zappa.
Loryn from Valley Girl.
Cher Horowitz from Clueless.
Buffy Summers from the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Romy and Michelle from Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

Learn your pop culture.

You might not see the relevance in knowing that Tiffany went through a messy conflict in 1988 with her parents but if you're trying to pass yourself off as a real 1980's valley girl this is the sort of stuff you're going to need to know.

It's also adviseable to learn all the words to Bonnie Hayes' 'Girls Like Me'. Try to spend countless hours watching the movie 'Valley Girl' so you can say things like "oh my gawd did you know that in the movie Valley Girl Tommy's trousers totally change from pink to black, duh, how bogus!"

Try and fall in love with either Patrick Dempsey, Andrew McCarthy, Michael J. Fox or Rob Lowe then find some posters of them and cover your walls in their faces. Any self respecting val loves boys, especially hot boys.

Lean val speak.
Here we are at the most important step of all, learn how to speak like a true eighties valley girl. First of all you need to use the word 'like' as much as you can, try and go for three 'like's per sentence.

Example: "I went to the store and I was all like can I have some milk and the guy was like sorry we're all out and I was like totally pissed."

Getting the hang of it? Try and practise a few times a day, trust me, when you start saying 'like' every other word that's when you know you've become a true val.

Now you need to learn to raise your voice at the end of each sentence, people might think everything you say is a question but this is how real eighties val's speak. For tips on how to do this listen to Frank Zappa's Valley Girl and basically adopt Moon Unit's voice.

Now for the lingo, and trust me there's a lot, I'll just run through the basics every val should know and the n the rest is up to you.

Totally instead of very.
Way instead of really.
Awesome, bitchin' and tubular instead of good.
Grodie, gag me with a spoon and barf out instead of disgusting.
Say 'you know?' and 'I know right?' more than what is actually necessary for the conversation.
Ralph instead of sick. Example: "OH MY GOD Cody totally ralphed at Lauren's party last night."

So if you like totally follow these bitchin' steps you'll become a way tubular val in no time you know?

To play us out today we have a nice slice of eighties val pop for you, here's Debbie Gibson and her awesome track 'Electric Youth'.

Emily and Jon vs the zombie apocalypse.

2010-09-02T01:00:00.000+01:00

Ever watched a zombie movie and thought to yourself, holy cow if a zombie apocalypse happens right now I wouldn't know what the hell to do with myself?

Ever wondered why someone hasn't written a definitive guide to surviving a zombie apocalypse?
Apart from Max Brooks but let's just pretend his actual, real, published book doesn't exist.

Well stop fretting you paranoid little goat because me and Jon are here to save you with our pain-stakingly crafted guide to surviving a worldwide zombie attack. From zombie-proofing your base to gathering food to taking out your opponents, this guide is essential reading for anyone who wants to stay alive when the dead begin to walk the earth.

Please note, this is not a joke, this is a matter of life or death and if you want to be one of the few survivors living to see another day then I suggest you take our advice and heed our warning. The zombies are coming and they want to eat your brains, it's up to you to stop them.

All illustrations by Jon Roscorla.

Preperation and overcoming fear.

You're sitting in front of the TV, eyes wide and a look of sheer terror painted on your face. You can barely believe what the news presenter is saying, "...reports have been coming in from all over the world...people once pronounced dead are now rising back to life...", you don't know what to do. Zombies, real life, blood thirsty zombies are everywhere. There is nowhere to hide. So what do you do? Stay and cry infront of the TV and wait for the ugly motherfuckers to break down your door and dig into your brains? Or stand up and fight like Woody Harrelson in Zombieland?

I know it's going to be hard to comprehend, you're going to doubt it, think it's a hoax or that it's just been excaberated by the media but I've got to be honest with you buddy, it's real. Just take a look out your window, see those "people" that are walking slowly and groaning a lot? No, they're not drunks, they're zombies, just like out of a George A. Romero movie.

You need to get over your initial fear because try as we may to put on a tough exterior, deep down I'm sure you're about to shit your pants. Me and Jon have come up with a theory that zombies can smell fear, for instance as a human you can tell when another human is scared, it's in their body language, the way they speak. Zombies aren't all that different from humans, we are cut from the same cloth so to speak, if you don't think so then maybe you need a little bit of zombie history.

Zombie is an old voodoo term, originating from Haiti, there are also several legends of a zombie powder that, combined with voodoo magic, can turn people into a zombified state. If you're feeling a little like Agent Scully from The X-Files now with me being your proverbial Agent Mulder, I would like to present to you the case of Clairvius Narcisse.

Clairvius was a Haitian man who was the subject of a book called 'The Serpent and the Rainbow', his story is as follows. Clairvius has an argument with his brother over land and naturally his brother poisoned him with zombie powder, simulating death, he was buried but that's not the end of the story. A bokor, which is sorcerer or practicioner of voodoo, apparently dug up his body and gave his unconcious body a mixture of drugs including the plant datura. According to the book Clairvius was then forced to work on sugar plantations along with many other "zombies" until the bokor died and the doses of datura stopped. Clairvius regained his sanity and returned home. Spooky aye?

The first rule to surviving a zombie apocalypse is to suspend disbelief, this shit is happening and it's real. Forget your fear, you need to stand up and fight for your survival, you need to use your brain or else the zombies will eat it. Here are some tips for getting over your initial fear and starting to prepare for the forthcoming apocalypse...

Think back to all the zombie movies you have watched. Chances are you've seen at least one zombie movie and chances are you were suprised at how calm the main characters usually are. You have to be calm, if you're not thinking rationally then chances are you will slip up and be turned into one of the undead.
Remember, everyone has the same chance at survival. I'm sure you're worrying, thinking that you don't have any guns or enough food supplies. Well my friend neither do most other people, you've got to go out and find these things and you're not going to get very far if you're scared. Everyone has the same chance at survival, it's every man for himself and the weak get killed first, that's the rule.
Learn how to hotwire a car. Honestly, there is a tutorial on WikiHow that shows you how to do this, it's quick and easy to learn. If you have enough time then you should try this out on a few cars (only your own obviously) and see how it works. But when it comes to a zombie apocalypse take any god damn car you can find, my vehicle of choice would be a heavily armoured truck like the one they make in Dawn of the Dead (2004 version).
Forget about your loved ones if they've been bitten. It might sound heartless but do you really want your mum to be a zombie? If she's been bitten, shoot her. I'm all for trying to rescue loved ones but if they've been infected then you have to terminate them, try and detach yourself from this although I know it will be hard. Just think, your mum doesn't want to be a zombie and she doesn't want you to be one either.
Limber up. If you've seen 'Zombieland' then you'll know that this is one of the most important rules, you're going to be doing a lot of moving so the most important thing if warming up your body. Lunges, sit-ups, star jumps, these are all good forms of limbering up your body for the beating it's about to take. You're going to get tired and fast but you need to push through it if you want to survive.
Drink plenty of water, also coffee. You need to keep your bodily fluids up seeing as you're going to be on the move most of the time. Coffee will also be good to keep up your energy levels, try and sleep in small periods of time, an 8 hour sleep is just impossible in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
Secure all doors/windows. Use anything you can to barricade all of the doors and windows of your home, except one. Why leave one you ask? Well if your house suddenly becomes overrun with the walking dead you are going to need a quick exit. I'm not saying leave the exit totally open, just make sure you can get out quickly in the event of an emergency.
Before the zombie apocalypse play Left 4 Dead 2 for at least an hour everyday. Seriously, you have no idea how valuable playing Left 4 Dead 2 is. It's also really, really fun.

Ok so the zombies are here, now what the funk do I do?

You're prepared, your house is barricaded and you've got plenty of food to keep you going for a while. Don't get comfortable, the chances are that the zombies will soon find a way in to your humble abode and start chowing down on your vital organs. The first basic rule of survival is to keep moving, don't just stick to one place because no matter how scary it is to go out into the open it's going to be less scarier than having your home invaded by zombies.

You're going to need weapons, that's for sure, but people tend to forget that in the middle of a zombie apocalypse thousands of other people are looking for weapons too. There is going to be a shortage and anyone that does have a gun needs to be considered armed and incredibly dangerous, chances are that they would rather shoot you than give up their weapon.

In the event of a zombie apocalypse you have to be very creative, if you can't get hold of a gun then make blunt objects out of everyday things you have in your home like table legs, shelves etc. As we all know the only way to kill a zombie is to either decapitate or seriously damage the head, make sure the zombie is dead before walking away. If you can get hold of a gun then try and keep track of your bullets, they won't be there forever so only use them for good reason. Let's say for this story you manage to get hold of some pretty awesome weapons, some of the best ones can be found in your own home. Here are my tips for weapons.

3120xp petrol chainsaw.

Epic machine guns.

Hello zombie, bye-bye head.

A pickaxe right through the brain.

Some other items needed for defense/information: flashlights (lots of them), armour, riot shields (can be home made) and a battery powered radio.

You are going to need to stock up on food but what about people? What about your parents, partner or children? You obviously want to try and pick them up, who wouldn't? First of all do you have transportation secured? If you don't have a vehicle in mind then you need to find one that is going to get you around quickly with no problem, look out of your window, what cars can you see?

Pick the vehicle that is closest to you and with the least amount of zombies surrounding it, now you need to get out of your house and into that vehicle quickly and quietly without being noticed because it's the hotwiring of the car that's going to take time. If you have any sort of raw meat in your house like steaks then take them outside with you, if zombies start to surround you then try throwing the meat to divert their attention. It might not work but hey, it's worth a try isn't it?

Once you've hotwired the car and have successfuly not been eaten by zombies you need to make your way to collect your loved ones providing the car in question has enough gas to get you there. If it doesn't make a pit-stop at your nearest zombie-free petrol station, bare in mind though that along with guns gas is going to be high on people's priorities. There's a good possibility you will get to the petrol station and all it's resources will be run dry and there will be a shit-ton of people fighting after the last drop. If all looks clear then make a quick stop then be on your way.

Remember one of the first rules, if you're family have either been bitten or are nowhere to be found you need to cut your losses and move on. Let's say for instance your loved one's are a-ok, you've got them in the vehicle and your driving around.

STEER CLEAR OF MOTORWAYS/HIGHWAYS. Can you imagine the gridlock? The amount of people trying to get out? The amount of accidents, burnt-out cars and general carnage? Stick to back roads and one's you know well. But where are we going you ask? You need supplies, without supplies you're going to be literally up shit creek without a paddle. This guide is purely for the hapless motherfucker that's haven't already prepared for the forthcoming zombie apocalypse. As for me, as soon as I heard about bird flu I got my mum to stock up on tinned goods, no lie.

You need to find a small store, one that looks something like this.

Let's just say that you've got four of your loved one's with you, remember there is strength in numbers but only fully trust your family and friends, other people can be deceiving and will do anything to stay alive. To penetrate the store and get the supplies you need to have a plan, there could be countless zombies inside and entering the store willy-nilly could end up in...you guessed it! Death!

First of all someone has to stay inside the car with the engine running, ready to make a quick getaway if needed. Two people need to defend the entrance whilst yourself and the strongest member of your team go in. Before entering the store make a loud noise, don't shoot your gun though because that's just stupid and you'll waste valuable ammo, shout loudly or kick something over. If there are any zombies in the joint they should run out immediately and try and gnaw your flesh off, defeat these zombies instantly, remember always go for the head. If you've managed to get hold of a chainsaw then decapitation should be quick and easy, if you're using a gun try and be as precise as possible.

Once all zombies are defeated and you're in the store grab some black bin liners to put your supplies into, don't get tempted to loot the store, take only what you need. Get tinned goods, food that will not go off quickly and food that requires no cooking, also grab bottled water and drinks. If there are any storage containers that you could fill up with petrol take them too, you never know when you might need them. If you can try and get as much money out of the cash register as possible, you never know when you might need to barter with someone or when that money will come in handy. Remember you need to fast and quiet. Once you've gotten all your swag hop back in the car and keep driving until you find somewhere suitable to put up base.

Stay away from densely populated areas. The ideal area would be the outskirts of a town, do not isolate yourself completely. If you can find a well built, medium sized house to barricade yourself into then do it again making sure there are no zombies around or inside the building. As soon as your inside make sure all windows and doors are sealed, and always, always know your emergency exit.

Now what? Well you wait. In the event of a zombie apocalypse it's not going to blow over in a manner of weeks, you're looking at months and months. Chances are you're going to have go out in search of food again so if you want to prolong this then eat small meals. If zombies penetrate your shelter then you'll all just have to get back into the car and find somewhere else and remember if a member of your team has been bitten then you need to get rid of them immediately.

Your battery operated radio will come in handy as any news alerts will be broadcast on that, you will also be able to keep track of how far the zombie outbreak has spread and how well the powers that be are doing to stop it spreading further. But believe me, things won't be back to normal for a long time. The most exciting part of the zombie apocalypse is the beginning, it gets boring fast from then on. Chances are you'll have no electricity or gas, you'll be cold and bored to the point of insanity, but hey it's better than be a zombie right?

If you follow this plan I can guarantee you'll get out alive but I can't guarantee you'll life will be worth living.

And now for the top 5 best zombie fighters of all time...

Cherry Darling (Planet Terror)

Tallahassee (Zombieland)

Shaun (Shaun of the Dead)

Ash (Evil Dead Trilogy)

Seth Gecko (From Dusk Till Dawn)

Not really a zombie movie but he does fight off a hoard of the undead so he gets my vote.

So that's it folks, we hope this guide helps you to survive the forthcoming zombie apocalypse. Best of luck and see you when it's all over.

Emily & Jon

I'm moving, but not far.

2010-08-25T05:10:00.000+01:00

Don't fuck with me, I have my own URL.

I just brought a domain name.

Can I get a whoop whoop?

Soon I'll be moving to withoutobsession.co.uk but it will still be hosted here at blogspot (because I don't know how to use anything else).

Isn't this exciting? Little old me with my very own domain name. It's 4am here and it was a spur of the moment decision and mum if you're reading this it's not a waste of money, it was £7. It'll also help when I want to tell people my website because I'm an epic self-promoter (I'm doing PR for crying out loud) and reeling off a long URL can be a pain in the padded in ass (you win brownie points if you know what movie that was from).

I started this blog just as a form of venting about the shit I like and I've had such amazing response. In a month I've gone from no followers to almost 60, I couldn't of done it without the awesome community over at 20 Something Bloggers. Honestly I've found so many great writers and people over there and if you are a 20 something blogger I seriously suggest you get involved.

I'd also like to thank Serena from I Left My Heart in London for the One Lovely Blog Award she gave me. Feedback like this is so awesome and I'm so happy you liked my little blog enough to give this to me. To accept this award I have to list 7 random facts about myself, this should be no hard task seeing as I am a self-confessed narcissist, here goes.

I smoke far too much and in a list of priorities cigarettes beat food every single time.
I once went to a party hosted by the pop singer Mika who I didn't really like but now love and he got me and several hundred people incredibly drunk for free and the next day I was in a well known newspaper on page 6 looking incredibly wasted with a glass of vodka orange in my hand.
I like rap/hip-hop music, not as much as I love rock and roll but I like it anyway. I'm not talking about the pansy shit that comes out today, I'm more an old school hip hop sort of girl, think NWA and Public Enemy.
I get halfway through a book, put it down then don't pick it back up for about 3 months. It's how I roll.
I've spent a good 50% of this year being drunk.
My favourite band are the New York Dolls, I love them so much that I have them tattooed on my right wrist.
Most of my decisions in life are made spur of the moment.

Also my Manic Panic 'Hot Pink' hair dye should be arriving in the next few days, my previous red/pink colour is fading into oblivion so it's time to crack out some more colour.

There was no real point to this blog so I guess this is goodbye, until we meet again, have a day full of obsessions.

Mel Gibson's hair, a love story.

2010-08-24T20:43:00.000+01:00

As a child of the early 90's I grew up watching Mel Gibson as Sgt Martin Riggs, the bad boy of the police force with the most amazing hair known to man. I didn't know then that Mel was an insane motherfucker who will later slander jews and threaten to bury his wife in a rose garden, nice one Mel. I'm talking about young Mel Gibson here, the Mel that we all know and love and don't feel ashamed to have a slight crush on. The Mel with the hair that's so badass it should be cut off his head, framed, put in a gallery and called 'The Best Hair in the Motherfucking World Motherfuckers' so that everyone can see what good hair looks like.

Sure Mel has gone ~~slightly~~ ridiculously crazy in the past year or so but who can deny the power of his perfectly feathered 80's follicles? I remember first seeing Mel in the Lethal Weapon movies when I was a child and even then I suffered a major case of hair envy. To me, Mel's hair represents the 80's in all it's large, perfectly styled glory, it also represents a time when Mr Gibson wasn't batshit crazy and was actually quite a well respected actor.

So after a late night viewing of Lethal Weapon 2 last night I was inspired to assess pretty much all of Mel's haircuts, from the good to the down-right shameful. I've even gone so far as to create a hair-o-meter in which to judge Mel's many hairstyles, yes I have that much spare time on my hands.

So without further ado here are Mel Gibson's best, worst and most terrifying hair cuts in cinema history.

1. What Women Want

Mel Gibson in a movie about what women want? The same guy who punched his wife in the face and demanded blow-jobs constantly? Ok whatever, this movie is excellent and Mel's hair is looking good in it. Also the movie stars Helen Hunt who will always be one of my favourite actresses purely for her movie Twister (come on, that movie is off the charts awesome). Mel plays a chauvanist, high flying advertising executive who electrocutes himself and can suddenly read the minds of women. Yadda, yadda, yadda he turns his life around and discovers his softer side. The scene where he's singing to Meredith Brooks' 'Bitch' whilst smoking and waxing his legs is one of my favourite comedy movie scenes ever. But back to the hair, it's looking good so it gets a...

2. Bird on a Wire

Mel gets some serious sexy points for this movie, it's also a total win because Goldie Hawn is in it and words cannot even describe how much I love her. Mel plays Rick Jarmin who's was an FBI informant who lives under witness protection, he runs into his old flame Marianne and together they go on the run. It's your typical action/romance movie but with added good hair, both from Gibson and Hawn. Verdict?

3. Mad Max 1

Mel, short hair does not suit you. In my opinion Mel has bad hair in this movie but I'm sure some people with disagree. I've always loved the Mad Max movies, even though as a child they used to both terrify and baffle me at the same time. Clearly the best movie in the Mad Max series is 'Beyond Thunderdome' with Tina Turner in a chainmail dress with some seriously horrendous hair. The Mad Max movies are definitley ones you should watch, just don't expect any really good hair from the first one. Verdict?

4. Mad Max 2

It gets better and he's dressed in leather. Wait, did I just make a rhyme? Ok it was a bad rhyme but it was a rhyme none the less. Stop saying rhyme. I digress, Mel's hair is ok-ish in this movie, it's sort of greasy, a bit limp and could use a bit of product but he gets bonus points for being dressed in leather. As a movie, Mad Max 2 is ok-ish as well, it's not as good as the first and not as good as the next movie. But did I mention leather? That's surely worth a watch right? Let's consult the hair-o-meter.

5. Conspiracy Theory

My second favourite Mel Gibson movie behind Lethal Weapon 2, god this movie kicks ass. I've lost count of the times I've seen it and it never, ever gets boring. On the hair scale Mel's hair seems to be covered by a hat for a large part of the movie but when he takes it off it's looking good, not as good as when it was feathered and fabulous but good none the less. This movie also gets bonus points because of Julia Roberts, I love Julia Roberts. Also I would love this movie because I myself am a conspiracy theorist, don't judge me ok, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and questioning the truth is just so much more fun. So what's the theory on Mel's hair in this movie?

6. Tequila Sunrise

How can I say smokin' hot without sounding like an absolute douchebag? Mel is the MAN in this movie and that says a lot because it also has Kurt Russell in it, who is also the man but to a lesser extent in this film. Even though I'm not a fan of Mel's shorter hair styles I think this is one that really did look good. Again notice the light feathering and full volume, Mel just knew how to style his hair. This movie made me want to go out and buy some Jose Guervo and hair gel then spend the night trying to make my hair look as awesome as Mel's. But how does this style fare on the hair-o-meter?

7. The Beaver

First of all let's be clear, what the fuck possessed Jodie Foster to want to direct this movie? I haven't seen it but oh boy it looks ridiculous and that's saying something because I love ridiculous movies. This movie is about a man (Gibson) that carries around a puppet of a beaver and treats it like a real person. Can I get a 'what the fuck' please? Seriously, I don't think I've ever heard of a movie plot quite so ridiculous. I'm sure the ending product won't be that bad and there's probably more to the story than what I'm letting on but seriously, this looks awful. And so does Mel's hair for that matter, clearly Oksana hadn't been giving Mel enough blow-jobs and it's affected his ability to do his hair. P.S grey doesn't suit you Mel, they invented 'Just For Men' because of guys like you, I'm just sayin. I wonder how this horrendous style will rate on the hair-o-meter?

8. Forever Young

I don't know why but I love Mel's hair in this movie, or maybe I just love his character who basically gets cryogenically (totally spelt that wrong) frozen and wakes up in the early 90's with a little Elijah Wood and an always awesome Jamie Lee Curtis. Mel plays a test pilot and have you ever seen a pilot with a mullet? I think not. Mel really does rock the short hair in this movie and he plays an absolute sweetheart (proof that he's a good actor). He also spends some time in a pink flowery shirt. Must see.

9. Lethal Weapon Series

I blame Mel in this movie for my love of 80's hair. The Lethal Weapon movies showcase the best Mel Gibson hair ever and that's a fact. Along with Mel's beautiful locks we have Danny Glover who is a clearly a legend, Joe Pesci who is my favourite short man along with Danny DeVito and Chris Rock even makes an appearance. Lethal Weapon is the perfect mixture of action, comedy, thriller, romance and drama and the movies will always be my favourite action movies.

10. Mad Max 3: Beyond Thunderdome

Mel's rocking his Braveheart hair here (yeah I left Braveheart off the list because I don't like it, shutup) and it's actually quite good. But respect has to go the legend that is Tina Turner for having the worst hair in history and also knocking about in a chain mail dress. The soundtrack to this movie is amazing especially the opening song that I always, always sing along to. I've never met anyone that likes this movie, except maybe my friend Martyn who loves Tina Turner. It's a good movie, watch it! And as for the hair, our final score on the hair-o-meter is...

I would also just like to point out that even though Mel Gibson is a racist, chauvanist, alcoholic lunatic there is no denying that he was hot. I'm not trying to defend Mel or excuse his actions, I'm just pointing out that his hair was to die for and in his earlier movies so was his face. I really wish he hadn't gone insane, he really was such a talented guy. I feel sorry for Danny Glover...

I love you Jersey Shore, bitch.

2010-08-23T23:06:00.000+01:00

Everybody has heard of MTV's supposedly "shocking and controversial" reality mega-hit Jersey Shore. I don't think I have met a single person that hasn't heard of it either through a friend or through the media, but why is it so damn successful? What is it about this handful of perfectly coifed, pseudo-Italian, tanned, drunken messes that we find so endearing?

Jersey Shore became an over-night success in 2009, along with getting more viewers than any other MTV reality show it also managed to piss off a ridiculous number of Italians and the general public who were offended by the fist-pumping antics of the show's stars. From ugly fist fights to sex to swearing to general drunk and disorderly behaviour, the cast of Jersey Shore sure know how to make good television. The highlight of my week is the latest episode of the Shore and I'm not the only one, MTV are receiving their highest ratings for over 7 years, all because of some tanned guidos.

To find out why Jersey Shore really is so damn popular you firstly need to know your characters, if you haven't watched the Shore then fret not because I am here to help you with my very own guido guide.

Nicole Polizzi

Also known as Snooki, Snook-ems, Snickers etc.

Best Quote: "Don’t bring home any fuckin’ elephants like that ever again."

Snooki likes pickles, a lot. She's 4"9 and lovingly refers to herself as a 'smurf'. Without her the show would fall apart, I'm being totally serious, Snooki is the backbone of the entire Jersey Shore. She's snookin' for love and her ideal partner would be a 'hot, tanned, guido juice-head'. Whenever she's upset or annoyed at herself she makes the funniest sound I've ever heard, it's sort of like a baby crying but it's quite endearing. In the first few episodes of season one she was a bit of a douchebag but Snooki has regained herself and is now one of the most entertaining stars of reality TV ever.

Mike Sorrentino

Also known as The Situation.

Best Quote: "Ronnie’s at the club, hooking up with Grenades… that is a bigger-ugly-chick & also Landmines.. which is a thin-ugly-chick .. and um, lovin’ life."

The Situation has three important things in his life, gym, tanning and laundry. He is the king of the guidos and constantly reveals his abs to pretty much everyone, even if they don't want to see them. Even though The Situation is a Grade A, number one sleazebag there are also some endearing qualities to him, he likes to cook for the rest of his housemates and is always there to help out. If I was a guy I'd probably want to be friends with him, although I'd never let my girlfriend meet him, ever.

Jenni Farley

Also known as JWoww.

Best Quote: "It's gorilla central out there, get the f*ck up, juice-heads everywhere!"

First of all can I just say, JWoww's boobs are off the charts HUGE. She's a self-proclaimed preying mantis and after she has sex with a guy she rips their fucking head off, apparently. I like JWoww, she's feisty and fierce and takes no shit from no-one, she even punched The Situation in the face, you go girl. She's also incredibly loyal to her friends, I'd definitely want to be friends with JWoww, if someone starts trash talking you she'll be straight in there with her fists flying. You rule JWoww.

Vinny Guadagnino

Best Quote: "Jenni’s tits definitely defy gravity. I think Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics and work it around Jenni’s tits."

Vinny is the only guy from the Shore that I find even mildly attractive, don't get me wrong, I don't think he's hot, he's just the best looking out of the bunch. He's also hilarious and I mean HILARIOUS. Vinny is the king of the one-liners and he's not really like the other guido's, he doesn't fake tan or obsess over himself as much as they do. Vinny is definitely one of my favourites from the Shore, purely for his comedic genius.

Ronnie aka awful motherfucker

Dear Ronnie, you don't deserve even your full name here, I'm just going to call you awful motherfucker. Stop screwing Sammi around, do you think it's easy for her to watch you motorboating blonde bimbos in clubs? I liked you in the first season then you just ruined it all in the reunion episode, why treat Sammi like she's just a piece of dirt? How can you live with yourself, going around three-way kissing girls then going back and sharing a bed with Sammi, telling her you love her and that you want to be with her and then screwing her over the next minute? Fuck you, you awful motherfucker.

Sammi Giancola

Also known as Sammi Sweetheart.

Best Quote: "Don't call 911, I think that's emergency."

Sammi, here's my message to you, never speak to Ronnie again. He's not good enough for you and he's a liar, whilst your laying in bed waiting for him to come in he's out enjoying himself. You need to get out and enjoy yourself and stop wasting your time on a no-good awful motherfucker like him. You're a sweet girl Sammi, that's why your nickname is sweetheart, so stop fretting over a guy who is so not worth your affection.

BITCH

You're not worthy of my words.

There you have it, my guide to the Jersey Shore's guidos.

Now if you haven't watched the show at least you'll be a little bit familiar with it's characters. I know a lot of people don't like Jersey Shore but I just can't understand why, it's a mindless piece of trashy fun, that's all it is, fun. I've grown to love the cast with the exception of Angelina and Ronnie and in a way I feel like I know them. When I watch the show I shout things like "NO SAMMI DON'T BELIEVE HIM" and "FUCK YOU BITCH", I'm officially obsessed even if I don't want to be.

It's not cool to say that Jersey Shore is one of your favourite TV shows in the history of the world, you always want to pull out the hip TV shows like Twin Peaks or Arrested Development. But I've gotta say it, the Shore is up there with Laura Palmer and the Bluth's, and love her or hate her, Snooki's here to stay.

Super Spooky Sunday #3 - Halloween.

2010-08-23T00:07:00.000+01:00

I don't know about anyone else but I like to plan my Halloween costumes in advance, so it gets to about this time of year and my mind is just full of ideas. I've currently got about a gazillion costume ideas, all of them being awesome, but I just don't know what ones to pick.

Halloween is my favourite time of year, you can dress up like an absolute idiot and no-one bats an eyelid, I swear if you got presents on Halloween it'd be the best holiday ever. It's also the one day out of the year dedicated to all things horror and being a horror fanatic that's probably why I love it so.

Then there are the Halloween traditions, I don't know about anyone else but I always watch Hocus Pocus, possibly one of the greatest Halloween themed movies ever made. Who doesn't appreciate Bette Middler (my real mother) singing 'I Put A Spell On You'? WHO? And Sarah Jessica Parker pre-Sex and the City dancing around screaming "DEAD MANS TOES! DEAD MANS TOES!" I always remember watching this movie when I was younger and it's still one of my all-time favourites, I'd really love to go to a Halloween party like in Hocus Pocus. How much fun would that be?

Another must-see Halloween movie is, well, Halloween. October 31st is the time to pay homage to the greatest on-screen villain in cinema history, Michael Myers with his William Shatner mask and constantly shiny knife.

But the most important thing about All-Hallows-Eve is the costume. It is all about the costume. If you don't pick a good outfit you'll regret it for the rest of the year. Last year I went as Sarah from The Labyrinth on a limited budget, I spent the entire night carrying round my childhood bear in central London. My bear is usually called, simply, Bear, but for one night only he was Lancelot.

If Sarah ever smoked roll-ups I'm sure that's what she'd look like. The only problem was, no-one knew who the fuck I was. That's the worst problem when it comes to picking an amazing Halloween outfit, it needs to be something that is going to stick in people's minds, something that everyone knows. Otherwise you end up looking like a mentally retarded person who's been let out of the care home for one night only and has decided to bring her bear with her.

So this year I'm pulling out the big guns with the following three ideas:

Dead Laura Palmer from Twin Peaks.

Even if they haven't watched Twin Peaks people are still going to say, "remember that girl who was dead and wrapped in plastic?" It's a good one to go for if you want to pay homage to the genius that is David Lynch and it's also perfect for Halloween because she's dead.

Cher circa 'If I Could Turn Back Time'.

Perfect for all the slutty girls out there who want to do something pretty damn hit but also want to remain sexy. Halloween is the only time where it'd be acceptable to walk around in a thong and fishnet leotard. And Cher's cool right?

Dana Scully from The X-Files.

The sexiest, sassiest FBI agent ever. Perfect for Halloween because The X-Files is about spooky shit ("is it true they used to call you Spooky Mulder?") and it's one that EVERYONE will know. And anyone that doesn't know isn't worth caring about and that's the truth.

I don't think I'll be able to pull off the Cher look without losing some serious weight so it's really just Laura and Scully. Both are pretty cheap and effortless to do and will guarantee that I will be remembered.

Halloween costumes are so hard because there are so many to choose from, speaking to friends their ideas range from Edward Scissorhands to The Crow to The Human Centepide (ew) and many more. It'd take me hours to go through all the amazing Halloween costume ideas I've had in the past but some of them have been pretty damn epic.

Your outfit is planned, you've watched a few scary movies, now what do you do? Well my friends, you have a fucking party. No Halloween is complete without an alcohol fuelled rendition of 'The Time Warp' from Rocky Horror Picture Show or a sing-a-long to Boris Pickett's 'Monster Mash'.

First of all you need to make a good Halloween playlist, without excellent music your party will be an absolute failure and you'll spend the whole of the next year thinking oh man, if only I'd made that playlist. If you've got Spotify you can listen to my Halloween playlist here, if you haven't got Spotify then where have you been hiding, it's only the greatest music application in the entire world.

Once your playlist is done you need some decorations, basically you need to make the room your having a party in look like Dracula's mansion. It may sound like a hard task but it really isn't and it's a lot of fun making the decorations. First of all you need a pumpkin, it's basically sacrilegious not to have a pumpkin. You need to make it look as terrifying as possible, but beware because drunken people will try and wear it like Jon did in this photograph...

And then in a fit of drunken anger against said pumpkin this happens...

Fuck you Jon, you killed the pumpkin.

If you can, try and make some fake cobwebs but don't put spiders in the room because people will get scared, trust me. Fake graves and bloody knives make great Halloween decorations, also don't forget to have a punch bowl, not because they have anything to do with Halloween, they are just generally awesome. Make sure to put FAR too much alcohol in it because then people will get drunk super quick and it makes everything much more fun. Try and make the room as dark as possible, candle-light is perfect because then everything looks a little more spooky.

Once your decorations are done it's time to settle back, have a drink and wait for your friends to arrive. Another great Halloween tradition is to get as much toilet paper as possible and throw it at any tree, it's perfect, mindless, youthful fun and it also makes you feel like your sticking it to the man, just don't think about the poor fuckers that have got to clean it up after you.

A typical tradition on Halloween where I live is to go round throwing eggs at peoples windows, such a 14 year old thing to do but it never loses it's charm. Halloween is the time for terrorising your neighbours/friends/family/anyone.

WHAT NOT TO DO ON HALLOWEEN

Do not put actual paint on your face. Even though it looks good your skin will be crying out for mercy.

Do not try and do Halloween make-up quickly, you end up looking like me above. Also don't use MAC's 'Vegas Volt' lipstick for a fake blood look, it doesn't work.

Do not go as a Nazi.

Do not go as a tampon. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Totally tubular characters from some awesomely rad 1980's movies.

2010-08-16T19:41:00.000+01:00

The 80's was a glorious time for cinema, even though I myself was born in 1989 I've come to look at the era through a pair of rose-tinted, heart-shaped glasses. Moon Zappa and the cast of 'Valley Girl' taught me how to speak, Molly Ringwald taught me to embrace my inner outsider, Judd Nelson made me want to rebel, River Phoenix made me want to go on an adventure and Jon Cryer made me fall madly in love with well-dressed nerds.

The characters in 80's cinema seemed to speak to me, they reflected me and my emotions and for that I will always keep them in my heart. Here are, in no particular order, my favourite 80's movie characters of all time ever.

The Breakfast Club (1985) - John Bender

Best Quote: "Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?"

Seriously, I'm not even kidding, I'm in love with Bender. I was an outsider when I first watched this movie, bullied at school and with not many friends this movie spoke to me on a level that no other movie ever has. I wanted to be Bender and I wanted to be with him at the same time, he was a rebel and a tough guy but he had a heart under the cold, cool exterior. Bender will forever be one of my favourite movie characters, John Hughes really hit the nail on the head. He embodies everything about a teenager, the angst, the anger, the trying to act cool and the loneliness of being put-down by his family and everyone around him. I love you John Bender, you da man.

Say Anything (1989) - Lloyd Dobler

Best Quote: "If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise."

I blame Lloyd Dobler for my unrealistic expectations when it comes to relationships, honestly Lloyd it is all your fault. He's the perfect guy if there is such a thing and I mean that, he's truly perfect, there is not one bad thing to say about him. Who wouldn't want Lloyd standing outside their window holding a boom-box that's playing Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes'? If you don't then you clearly have no taste, I think even straight guys would fall for Lloyd Dobler. He's the sweet guy who doesn't really succeed at much in life but he wins the greatest prize of all, love. John Cusack plays this character so well it's hard to tell where Cusack ends and Dobler begins. Lloyd, I wish they made guys like you in the real world.

Sixteen Candles (1984) - Samantha Barker

Best Quote: "I can't believe I gave my pants to a GEEK!"

Oh Samantha how I love you, you mirror me at that tender age, falling in love with a popular guy, having a crazed family who don't understand you. Luckily my parents never forgot my birthday but in real life I never got the popular guy so I'll take the birthday, you take the guy. I'm being serious now though Samantha, give me some tips on how to bag a guy like Jake Ryan, don't get all withholding on me. I love that you walk around the school halls with a folder covered in band names clutched to your chest, you really are me at 15. Although I think you should of hooked up with The Geek (because he's a pretty rad dude) I'm sort of glad you got Jake in the end, I don't know how it ended up for you but I hope you have a happy ever after. To me you'll always be 16, you're like my very own Peter Pan.

Pretty In Pink (1986) - Duckie Dale

Best Quote: "This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing, it's really marvelous!"

Oh Duckie, where to even begin with you? I'll start with your shoes, the shoes that mesmerised me, I'll admit sometimes I didn't look at your face, I just zoned in on those god-damn beautiful shoes. So perfectly off-white, the worn-in look, you wore them with everything and they really did make your outfits look even more amazing. And when you turn to Andie and say "I am now, and will always be, a duck man" and you wiggle your feet in that ridiculously cute way I died and went to shoe envy heaven. I used to write fan fiction about you, I might of written another one to add to the long list at the beginning of this year and it was actually pretty good. Your character is so fascinating, not only do you have the best taste in music but you're the suavest dresser I know. And your rendition of Otis Redding's 'Try A Little Tenderness' just sealed my love for you, a love that will last a lifetime. Along with Lloyd Dobler, I really wish you existed in the real world, I think we were probably made for each other.

Yes whatever I used to write fanfiction, I still read it pretty much every day. I told you I was a nerd. Did you just lose a ton of respect for me? What if I tell you it's well-written fanfiction, does that change anything? No? Well fuck you.

The Labyrinth (1986) - Jareth the Goblin King

Best Quote: "I have reordered time, I have turned the world upside down, and I have done it all for you!"

First of all we all need to be a hundred percent clear on the fact that David Bowie plays Jareth the Goblin King and if you don't appreciate David Bowie then you can just get the hell off this page and never come back again. In The Labyrinth Bowie plays Jareth, the evil goblin king who upon Sarah's request, kidnaps her baby brother with the intention of turning him into a goblin. Sarah has to battle her way through the Labyrinth to save her brother, Toby, and along the way meets some pretty sweet friends including the adorable Ludo who nearly made it to this list, there's your honorable mention though Ludo, happy now? Bowie, I shit you not, spends most of the time on-screen looking ridiculously beautiful with the biggest bulge in his pants known to man. I can only imagine what my parents thought when they watched it with me when I was younger, obviously in my childhood innocence I had no idea what I was watching.

Jareth may be evil, he may be trying to turn Sarah's brother into a goblin and he may love an impromptu all-singing, all-dancing performance at the top of his castle with about fifty goblins but he really loves Sarah y'know? Being the ultra-nerd I am I happen to own a lot of Labyrinth related albums such as the comic book, the photo book, the press kit, the 3 novel adaptations and the soundtrack. Jareth, you're the king of weird guys, guys that are all like "ugh I'm totally going to turn your bro into a goblin" one minute and then "babe seriously, I'll be your slave I love you so much". Thanks for being totally hot and cold, you're a more realistic character than the other guys because the world really is full of guys like you.

Weird Science (1985) - Lisa

Best Quote: "You know, there's going to be sex, drugs, rock-n-roll... chips, dips, chains, whips... You know, your basic high school orgy type of thing. I mean, uh, I'm not talking candlewax on the nipples, or witchcraft or anything like that, no, no, no. Just a couple of hundred kids running around in their underwear, acting like complete animals."

Kelly LeBrock in this movie is the woman I aspire to be in every way, not only is she cool as hell with the best car in town she's also got a body to die for and her face is practically flawless. She literally is a dream woman, she's my freakin' idol. Honestly who would turn her down? I absolutely love Weird Science, John Hughes had this amazing ability to tap into the teenage mind and get everything perfectly right. I've never watched a dull, crap and boring John Hughes movie, have you? Anyway back to Lisa, she has some of the best movie one-liners ever and her clothes are just out of this world. When I was growing up she was always someone I looked up to, whilst the other kids were talking about how good-looking Beyonce or Britney were my mind was screaming 'WHAT ABOUT KELLY LEBROCK!' I suggest you don't look at what Kelly looks like now, it really does spoil the image I've created in my mind. Fuck off all you skinny girls with your stomach's out, except Kelly LeBrock, she's the only exception.

Dirty Dancing (1987) - Baby Houseman

Best Quote: "I carried a watermelon?"

Who doesn't wish they were Baby Houseman? Who doesn't want to be seduced by a young, dancing Patrick Swayze? She's your prim and proper all-American girl next-door with a penchant for bad boys and some serious dirty dancing. At the beginning of the movie she's in awe of her dad, wears some truly awful knitted cardigans and doesn't know her left foot from her right. At the end of the movie she's hooked up with the bad boy, can dance like a motherfucker and has proved that she's not a baby anymore, she becomes Frances Houseman. How could I have a list of amazing characters from 80's movies and not include her?

The Lost Boys (1987) - Sam Emerson

Best Quote: "You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy!"

Oh Sam you're so adorable. This movie was my favourite out of any that Corey Haim did (ok maybe 'License To Drive' is joint favourite) and he is so wonderful in it I can't even begin to comprehend. He basically makes this movie, he's the comic relief along with the Frog brothers and they bring the comedy in heaps. From one liners such as "are you freebasing Michael? Enquiring minds want to know" to "don't kill me Mike, I'm basically a good kid" it was so damn hard to pick my favourite Sam quote. I also love the fact that he's got a poster of Rob Lowe in his bedroom, maybe he's gay or maybe he just admires Rob's perfectly formed physique, who knows? Who even cares? Sam Emerson is one of the best characters in movie history ever, and that's a fact! RIP Corey, you'll always be Sam to me.

The Burbs (1989) - Ricky Butler

Best Quote: "Hey, Mrs. Rumsfield, no tan lines. Looks nice."

If there is one thing my dad has it's good taste in movies, all the classic movies that I love are ones that my dad used to make me watch and The Burbs is one I'll thank him eternally for letting me watch. I'll tell you a true story in relation to this film, my neighbours next to my house (not the one in London, my actual hometown) always change, I mean constantly. I can't remember how old I was but I must of been in my early teens when the house was empty for probably a half a year. Every week an old man who I later realised was the landlord used to come to the house and potter around in the garden. I was convinced I was living next-door to The Klopek's. Another funny, un-related story was when I had a weird smell in my room, convinced myself that my next-door neighours had died and later found out it was a rotting pastrami sandwich. Anyway, I digress.

Ricky is the guy everyone wants as a friend, his parents clearly go away a lot and he loves having rowdy heavy metal parties. This guy is a dude, an absolute dude. I used to wish that I lived on a road like in The Burbs where everyone spoke to each other and went on a mission to find dead bodies buried in a neighbours yard. Instead I got a crazy cat lady on one side and people that change every five minutes on the other. Nowdays Feldman looks like the bastard son of Charlie Sheen. Reality really does suck.

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) - Linda Barrett

Best Quote: the swimming pool exit scene, ok it's not a quote but that's all I can come up with.

Linda Barrett isn't the greatest character of all time but for all my male readers I had to include her infamous swimming pool scene. Even I appreciate it and I'm a straight woman. Phoebe Cates is hot. End of.

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I haven't included all the amazing 80's characters, that's for sure, the above list is purely a brief overview of some of the brilliant characters the 80's produced.

In personal news I'm off to Manchester tomorrow, I've never ventured into the north of this beautiful island before and I'm pretty excited. Not only do I get to experience all the delights the north has to offer but I get to see three friends from university. I'm pretty excited. However I'm not excited to sit on a coach for five hours, I just hope I get to sit next to someone interesting. So I won't be around till Friday, I know you'll all miss me but in the meantime, who is your favourite 80's character?

Super Spooky Sunday #2 - Sabina and Ursula Eriksson.

2010-08-15T19:34:00.000+01:00

It's that time again, ready to get spooked? This week have a real life story to share, one that spooked me out when I watched a documentary about it this week and one that I thought by God I have to share this with the world.

Meet Sabina Eriksson.

First off you're probably thinking she looks remarkably like a man in drag, but in the immortal words of Lisa Stansfield, she may not be a lady but she's all woman.

You might also be thinking, jeez louise this swedish sista has a big nose. You're right about that one.

Her story is a strange one and definitley deserves to be my Super Spooky Sunday feature this week.

Sabina lived in the picturesque area of County Cork in Ireland and she has a twin sister named Ursula Eriksson. The story goes that Ursula went to visit Sabina and they decided to make a trip to London, however they were asked to leave the coach they were travelling on due to acting suspiciously, they were dropped of on the M6 motorway and left to find another route to London.

CCTV footage caught Sabina and Ursula walking down the motorway, as you know that's highly illegal so police were called. When police arrived at the scene they found Ursula and Sabina at the side of the road, appearing pretty calm, what happened next is unbelievable and it was caught on video by a documentary film crew who just so happened to be following the police officers in question. I must warn you that the video below is pretty graphic so if you can't handle a bit of mild gore then don't watch it. But I strongly suggest you do because what you'll see is so fucking hard to even begin to comprehend.

Can you BELIEVE that?

I couldn't and I saw it when it was broadcast on TV. That woman has just been hit by a car and is now trying to start a fight with the police officers that are trying to help her. You're probably thinking these girls must of been smacked up to the eyeballs on some sort of drug, well they're not and the case, believe it or not, gets even more strange.

Sabina's twin Ursula is taken to hospital and Sabina is taking into police custody for assaulting an officer. Whilst in custody all officer's say that Sabina seems completely normal, they couldn't even believe that they were dealing with the same person who ran out into moving traffic and then violently tried to resist arrest.

Sabina was let out of custody a day later as the police believed they were no threat, boy they were wrong. The crazed woman makes friend with a man named Glenn Hollinshead and tells him that she has nowhere to go and that she needs somewhere to stay. Glenn takes pity on Sabina and let's her stay at his house, never suspecting that she will later stab him to death.

At 7.40PM Glenn leaves his house to go ask his neighbour who is outside washing his car for some tea-bags, the neighbour says he will bring them round when he's finished. Glenn goes back into the house and precisely 74 seconds later comes stumbling out, gushing blood, proclaiming "she stabbed me".

7.49PM a paramedic unit who have been called to deal with the stabbing see Sabina running down the road wielding a hammer, repeatedly hitting herself over the head with it. A passer-by wrestles the hammer from Sabina who continues to run, now being followed by the paramedic unit. She runs up to a bridge and jumps in to moving traffic. Sabina Eriksson does NOT die, anyone else think this girl is like Michael Myers?

Sabina is taken to hospital and charged with the murder of Glenn Hollinshead and was sentenced to five years imprisonment. She is released from prison next year.

No-one knows what caused Sabina to have such a moment of madness, she was not under the influence of any drugs or alcohol, so what the hell was it. It is clear that Sabina is or was mentally ill, but the court were unable to put her in a secure psychiatric facillity due to the fact that she could be classed as being mentally ill at the time of her prosecution. It really was just a moment of crazed madness, and I don't know about you but I find that really 'effin scary.

But what of her sister, Ursula? Well she's now living in America and no-one knows why she originally ran into the road first. The documentary I watched gave some very good ideas as to why but no-one will ever really know. A psychiatrist claimed that Sabina could of been influenced by her sister Ursula and that seeing her triggered some kind of madness inside her brain, Sabina had never done anything like this before. God this whole story is one big confusing mess isn't it? I don't even fully understand it myself, it's just totally baffling.

I guess the scariest part is how two seemingly normal people could do something so bizzare, so shocking and so damn weird. This story also spooks me out because I myself will be travelling on the very same stretch of motorway on Tuesday as I venture to the north of England for the very first time.

This case just really proves that people are so un-predictable, that anyone can just have a moment of madness and that you could walk past someone in the street, think their "normal" and then they could end up doing something like this. I hope this hasn't spooked you out too much, it certainly spooked me when I watched the documentary. I'll leave you with a pretty apt song that seems to fit this case perfectly, it's also a pretty amazing song and if you haven't heard it then you've literally been living under a rock.

Also check out my guest post at The Vault of Horror (amazing horror blog) where I express my love for the 80's slasher movie Slaughter High!

The joys of being single or why hindsight is really fucking annoying.

2010-08-14T00:02:00.000+01:00

Last night, after drunk blogging about Matt Dillon (yes I was drunk), I watched Singles, a beautiful little romantic comedy set in Seattle at the height of the 'Seattle Sound' in the 90's. Directed and written by the genius extraordinaire Cameron Crowe (the epic dude behind Almost Famous, Say Anything and Fast Times at Ridgemont High) it's one of my favourite rom-com's to date, probably because it's got cameo's from Tim Burton, Pearl Jam and Soundgarden.

Anyway I've gone off on a tangent haven't I? Reel it in Emily, reel it in.
You know you're self-obsessed when you speak about yourself in the third person.

This movie makes my mind wander, not because it's dull or boring or anything, far from it. It makes me think. It also makes me want to work in an independent Seattle coffee shop in the 90's whilst my super-hot boyfriend who's also Matt Dillon kisses me passionately in lifts and delivers flowers.

Who's happy being single? Be honest.
People don't believe me when I say this but I really am.
Sure everyone has those ~~weeks~~ nights when they really want someone.
Maybe just a warm body to hug, someone to kiss them on the lips and tell them the three words that make everyone feel so damn good.
But if you're in your early 20's like I am what's the point of shacking up with the first mildly handsome guy?
It's like people who drink the same drink all their lives, suddenly wake up at the age of 50 and think god damn it, if only I'd drunk different drinks. Bad analogy? Ok whatever.

I'm all for this true love thing, just not yet. (Unless it's with Jeff Goldblum, John Cusack, Bill Murray or Matt Dillon.)
Sure I want that soul-crushing, shit-your-pants love that makes you feel ontop of the world.
I just don't want the dirty underwear that comes with it, the stress, the thinking about another person.
At the moment, I'm just too damn self-obsessed to care about anyone else, and that's the truth.

I wasn't always this way, I used to have this warped view on love, that me and my first boyfriend would be together forever and live happily ever after. Other warped ideas I had at that age included wanting to be promoted to a manager at the call centre I worked at and becoming a prosphetic make-up artist as well as a musician, wedding planner, writer and film publicist. These things will not happen apart from the last two, I'm determined to make those happen. Although I did think I'd have an award winning, boundary-pushing novel published by now, that sure as shit ain't happened.

On my old blog I wrote about my life, on this blog I have no idea what I'm writing about. Looking through some of my posts on my old blog I started reflecting, what could I have done differently? Why did I stay with that emotionally unavailable guy for so long and why did I ~~love~~ obsess over him? People love to look back with hindsight and they always say they'd do things differently, yeah like hell you would. You'd make all the same mistakes again and you know why? Because they weren't really mistakes, they were learning curves.

I'm going to tell you a story in the form of a letter to my 19-20 year old self, it's a life lesson and also a tale of one girls destructive obsessive personality. We all make mistakes. Listen up yo or else Eddie, Jeff and Matt will crack some skulls.

Dear me (you big fucking jackass),

Hello 19-20 year old me, it's you at 21 here.

Let's get down to business shall we?

It's your first real boyfriend, sure you've had boyfriends before but none that have lasted more than two weeks. And in the real world, 2 weeks ain't shit.

You think you're in love with him because you don't know what love feels like, you still don't.

Thoughts of him dominate your mind from the moment you wake up, he's even there in your dreams. Ok that sounded stalker-esque and I'll admit it's true, you just think about him a lot.

Your phone is permanently attached to your hand, as soon as you hear the annoying little message noise you're already typing your response.

You're addicted to his attention, it's like a drug you crave to keep you afloat and without it you'll drown in your own anxiety.

He's not good enough for you, but you won't admit it yourself. He won't keep you floating, if anything he's one big fucking anchor.

I don't like you very much 19-20 year old me, but I love you. But 21 year old me is pretty tubular, wait till you meet me, you'll love me!

Anyway back to that boy. He's not a bad person, you're going to spend a lot of time thinking that he is but he's not, it's not really his fault.

I'm being serious now Emily, pack up your shit and leave this stupid relationship. Your friends are starting to hate you, you're losing sight of yourself and soon you'll have no part of you left.

It's going to get better I promise you, it gets pretty sweet actually. You're going to be living in London and you're going to meet some of the best people you've ever met.

Don't let him do what you're afraid to do because it's going to make you feel worthless, you need to end it, stop being an absolute doormat. I know you want to end it, it's the thought that's in the back of your mind every single time you have an argument. It's going to come to an end though, and you're going to be sad, you're going to think how can I live without him? You can live without him. You will have a better life without him. But ultimately you'll get to the point where you're thankful that he ended it, thankful that he had the strength to do what you couldn't.

And don't fret, being single is really fun. It means you can drink 3 bottles of wine, eat a half-frozen tuna pasta bake then proceed to projectile vomit up your shower wall, that might not sound fun but it makes for a hilarious dinner party story.

I love you, you should tell yourself that more often because deep inside you really really love yourself. I'm not kidding, you think you're the shit. And don't be too worried about work, you're going to get fired but it'll be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

And don't keep worrying about that nagging 'you've got to grow up soon' feeling, 21-year-old you has spent pretty much all of today making her and Jeff Goldblum on The Sims, some things just never change.

Lots of love,

21-year-old you.